Are you currently in a relationship? Or would you like to be in a relationship? According to a Harvard study, relationships make a significant contribution to our happiness in life. "I wanted a loving, faithful, respectful partnership in which I could develop and in which we could also develop as a couple. The reality was different," says Birgit Untermair candidly at the speaker night at the Volksbühne am Rudolfplatz in Cologne. What is Relationship for you? "I often hear answers to this question such as difficult, tedious, exhausting or I'm afraid of being left. In Austria, the divorce rate is between 41 and 43 %. In Germany it is between 37 and 38 %. Today, almost every 3rd marriage ends in divorce. The number of couples who are just getting by in their partnership is probably much higher," says the speaker.
"I wondered how it would be possible to create an unconditional Leading a relationship to be able to? I wasn't able to experience this myself for many years. One of my mentors said: "It's all a system. Recognize yours. And find one that suits you. Align yourself with it. However, if you're up to your waist in victim land, it's not that easy. But we have repetition systems. One client was married to an alcoholic. She told him: "Either you go to rehab or I'm getting a divorce. Her daughter stood protectively in front of the fridge and swore to herself at the age of four: I will never have an issue with alcohol in my life. Today, my client's daughter is married and a mother. And it is her daughter who stands protectively in front of the fridge ...", says Birgit Untermair.
Did you have a happy mother or father in your childhood? "Our parents always lived as well as they could in their relationship," continues Birgit Untermair. "And tried to show us how to do it. But how should your father or mother Dear if they have not experienced it themselves? I myself have been the victim of emotional violence in my life. I have very often betrayed my heart, persevered and endured because I thought it was the right thing to do."
At some point I ended up in a narcissistic relationship. On the one hand, you have a person at your side who reads you like an open book. You feel that you have arrived and been seen. In a split second, the mood changes and you have an ice-cold person by your side. Suddenly you are held responsible for things and ask yourself: What happened now? You are held responsible for the success of the relationship. I felt more and more unloved. My lowest point came when I found out that I was unintentionally pregnant by him. I felt powerless.
At that point, shortly before my 40th birthday, I made a decision: I didn't want to put the child and myself through this madness. So I decided against the baby. This "little star" left me with a huge job. My partner came and said to me, "You're not being real and authentic at all today." I cried. Then he lay down next to me in bed. Turned off the light and didn't give me a hug. At that moment, I stood up for myself and swore to myself: Never, never again will I humiliate myself like that. Never again will anyone treat me like that.
I wanted to know why I was getting into such a system. The journey to myself began! I learned to walk through fears and doubts. I got my diamond in the rough. Today, in my vocation, I get to help people exactly where I was then. And the best part: For the past three years, I've gotten to spend my life with the man with whom I'm living the exact relationship I've always wanted. Suddenly, relationships are easy where I used to struggle so often.
How does it work now - the story with the Self-love and so - you may be asking yourself. "I can tell you: it's a long road. But it's worth it! Suppose you could marry yourself here and now: Would you say 100 % YES to yourself right now? Because if you can't do that, why should another person do it? Let's say you are a vessel. We all have our rough edges. In the vessel are all your quirks and edges. Your imperfect perfections. Let's say your self-love jar is filled to 50 % - but we strive for perfection, to arrive - so for our 100 %. So there is a lack. You are a needy person," Birgit clarifies.
Women like to buy shoes. Or some have Fearthat the partner disappears. There is quickly an incredible emptiness. We have it in our own hands to make sure our glass is full. Our partner can only fill it temporarily. Or the children. Only when they leave home one day, the emptiness may be there again. "Once you've felt your 100 %, the world is your oyster. Then there's no more need and no more drama. I'm sure then divorce rates would drop quite a bit - once you start filling your glass. Live your uniqueness and specialness," is Birgit's message to the audience.
What can you do to fill your glass? The happy life will certainly not jump at you from the side and it's all good. For this you may become active yourself.
"I wish you that with all my heart. Recognize your uniqueness, fill your glass," Birgit appeals, "it's in your hands. Once you have felt what you value the world is your oyster."
