How Resilience not least in Richard de Hoops life, the Dutchman explained at the night of speakers at the Volksbühne am Rudolfplatz in Cologne. Resilience or psychological resilience is in fact the ability to overcome crises and use them as an occasion for development by drawing on personal and socially mediated resources. "As a small boy, I found it fascinating that some people - despite enormous setbacks - were still able to function well. I am convinced that resilience is one of the most important success factors in our time. To overcome your fears. For people and for companies. There is so much pressure, speed and change these days. With the development of technology we should actually have more free time! Is that so? Less."
Resilience as airbag
In recent years, Richard de Hoop has asked managers, top athletes, sick people or people after accidents about this very subject. His interview partners all gave him the following answers:
- When you develop your resilience, it acts like a turbo-switch on your development as a human being.
- We all suffer setbacks in life. They never come planned.
If you have internalized this, says the expert, then resilience can be an airbag for you. "We humans are confronted with an event, occurrence or incident. In addition, we have thoughts, both conscious (you can think about them and analyze them) and unconscious (cultural backgrounds). We then transform our thoughts into a feeling. This can be boring, entertaining or evil. We see this in the behaviour of the other person. And the behaviour always has an effect on you and your environment," explains Richard de Hoop.
Overcoming fears: Then change your thoughts
Setbacks like "I've been dumped", "I've been laid off", "I'm broke" - that happens to you and you cannot change it afterwards. But what you can change are your thoughts. And if you change them, you get a different feeling and a different behaviour.
What do people who are resilient do?
- Think critically: Approach the problem from different angles, then other possible solutions emerge
- Optimism & Hope
- They know exactly what talents they have and apply them in the right areas
- Real network that gives you energy and does not rob you
- Gratitude: When was the last time you were grateful and did you show it to the person?
- Setbacks in life remind us what really counts in life
We find it difficult to apply these aspects in everyday life. It seems that we first have to suffer a serious setback in order to live so fulfilled. "I remember my experience very well. It was a Friday night. My wife was shopping with our daughter. I had made myself comfortable in my armchair. At 9:30 pm the doorbell suddenly rang. When I opened it, two policewomen were standing there. They informed me that my wife and daughter had been in a serious traffic accident in which our girl had died. I held on to the stairs. "I walked apathetically around our apartment..."
Without fears: seams of friendship, love and optimism
"As a family, we stuck together and worked on our resilience. Today we are happy again - and proud of our daughter. We are grateful for the 20 years we spent together with her. I have borne an invisible scar from that experience. Because I was torn apart and patched up again. I am proud of this scar. Because the seams are made of friendship, love and optimism. Probably many of us carry such an invisible scar. Every time I touch this scar, I realize how vulnerable we are."
"Vulnerability is the lever that helps us to develop our resilience"
Vulnerability is so important, appeals Richard. But we are rarely allowed to show it in our society. "At our daughter's funeral, I sang All of a sudden I felt the need to hold my wife and my son tightly in my arms and to show myself more vulnerable than ever before," he says openly. Vulnerability is the lever that helps us to develop our resilience. Have the courage to overcome your fears. Then really beautiful things will happen! Then you will be able to change your thoughts more and more. Only you can make your own world a little more beautiful.
"Together we'll create a bright future!"
You can achieve so much by changing your thoughts! Determination does not come alone when we dare to look through the eyes of our children. If we can never develop our talents, if we are never really there for each other. "I am convinced that if we turn our thoughts around, if we overcome our fears, an infinite number of new possibilities will open up for us," says Richard de Hoop. "Every step helps to create a world worth living in for all of us. Together we create a bright future - that is my truth!"