Can you remember the moment when you consciously decided to love and accept yourself as you are? No? Then it's high time. Because you can only have happy relationships and a fulfilled life when you are at peace with yourself - says Robert Betz. Why this is so difficult and may not work for many of us, knows the Transformational Therapist.
You lived in dependence of your parents for a long time, in which you had no power.Robert Betz
The successful coach, speaker and seminar leader is an expert in transformation and personal growth. He is certain that the reasons for our behaviour have their origins in our childhood: "As a child, you subconsciously Belief Set internalized that you were unlovable. This came about because you lived for a long time in dependence on your parents, in which you had no power whatsoever." says Robert Betz.
According to Robert Betz, the fourfold dependency of childhood is physical, emotional, mental and financial. The expert describes childhood as a time of powerlessness and dependency that shapes many people far beyond their childhood and into old adulthood.
Because of your dependence, you were not free as a child. The expert reveals: "Even in the best parental home you are not free, because you can't make any decision alone. That's perfectly okay. But you must realize that this time is stored in you and that you have learned basic thoughts that you may still carry in you today. These thoughts control your overall well-being and unhappiness."
Robert Betz also knows that each of us heard deeply derogatory thoughts about life in childhood that we still remember today. Surely one of the following phrases sounds familiar to you: "Life is unfair. Life doesn't give you anything. Life isn't a bed of roses, it isn't a wish list, and it isn't a pony farm."
These very beliefs determine your daily thoughts and actions. They are indicative of what you think about yourself and life. Robert Betz: "The result of our thoughts is often pressure, stress and many unhealthy feelings. This is the basis for high blood pressure, herniated discs, and many other negative things."
To break out of the negative mindset, the first step is to become aware of your thoughts. The second step is to examine the truth of these thoughts. And in the third and last step you should rethink the thoughts of your childhood. Robert Betz: "You are free to think anew about yourself as a human being and your past."
A small example: If you think you've made a lot of mistakes, you might as well open yourself up to the idea that you've done as well as you could or knew how at every moment of your life. At the same time, this goes for others as well. Your father, your mother, your partner - they all always did it as well as they could or knew how. Robert Betz: "Today you would perhaps do some things differently, but at that time you were not ready. Back then you may not have had any interest in creativeness and self-love."
The expert calls this process a decision of peace. He reveals, "A big component of self-love is called 'I am willing to look at myself in a new way and open myself up to new thoughts, for example, the thought: 'I have always done my best.' And if you allow yourself to do this, you will allow others to do it too."
In this way you begin to accept yourself, to love yourself, and to witness and prove this love to yourself in the practice of life. Robert Betz: "As a child you did everything to get love, recognition, attention and appreciation from your parents. You conformed and tried to meet expectations. And it's no misfortune that we had to earn the attention of others. But as we move out of adolescence into adulthood, we no longer need outside attention."
From now on you can give yourself everything that your parents had to give you back then: attention, perception, recognition, confirmation, appreciation, praise and love. Only when you succeed in doing this can you have healthy relationships with others. Robert Betz: "The decisive lever lies with you. Show yourself that this child you were is lovable in the highest degree. You have a heart that can love. Write down what you want in a partner. And then apply those points to yourself. Give yourself all that you want your partner to give you. Nourish yourself with your love. You have it all within you. Develop a relationship with yourself."