Whether it's love relationships or business relationships, if you really want to succeed in life, you have to start with your relationships. But unfortunately, there are still numerous people who don't understand this. People who want to build great companies or great things, but can't even get their own relationship together. To make sure that doesn't happen to you and that you have healthy relationships, here are Tobias Beck's ultimate tips for you.
Tobias Beck is a successful keynote speaker, LIFEcoach and expert for personality development. He has already stood several times on the stages of GEDANKENtanken speaker nights and can be found, among other things, as an expert for success and motivation at Business Factory. Tobias Beck is known for his emotional talks in which he addresses types of people, motivation, healthy relationships and self-love.
Can relationships be compared to a telephone contract? Tobias Beck has come up with his very own theory on this: "In the beginning, it's like acquiring new customers. But the problem with many relationships is that at some point they turn into existing customer care. That's totally sad, because then people stop doing the things they did for each other in the beginning."
The reason for this is the so-called cuddle hormone oxytocin. Tobias Beck: "When you meet someone, your whole body is flooded with it. But after exactly seven years, something happens in the relationship. After seven years, that oxytocin level drops to zero." So the darn seventh year, when most marriages get divorced, can actually be traced back to biochemical processes in the body.
But why is that? Tobias Beck estimates that people stop doing joint activities with their partner after this time. He also has a hot tip ready: "My wife Rita and I go to the airport every year and take the fourth flight from the top. That's our ritual. You can get really lucky there: Two years ago we were in Kuala Lumpur - four days backpacking in Malaysia. Good, last year we were in Münster/Osnabrück. You really have to love yourself to get through four days there!". So humour can't hurt in healthy relationships either.
Have you also noticed what serious differences there are between men and women? Better said between the male and female brain? Tobias Beck: "There is one thing that is absolutely fascinating: men and women are really different. When a stimulus hits the male brain, it is processed in a very specific way. And that is that men have what are called boxes for each subject area. That's where the stimuli are processed, for example, football and cars."
So there's a box for everything - even for nothing. Tobias Beck: "I'm formulating this in a funny way, of course, but it's true: Men have a nothing box in their brain. Google that! If you spike a man with a contrast medium and do an imaging procedure with him, for example an MRI, you'll see that certain regions of the brain flash up. And if you show the man something, like a bee, that doesn't mean anything to him, then the nothing box flashes up. Men sometimes just think nothing!"
Now imagine the same procedure with the female brain. Tobias Beck: "The woman is injected with a contrast medium and shown an image, for example of a bee. And what does she do? She connects everything to everything! Period. Remember, men like to go into the nothing box and women connect everything to everything." And what does this knowledge do for us? It helps to understand that sometimes your partner just ticks completely different boxes than you do. The appeal is: Have understanding for it and look at it with humor!
But there is another point that is important for healthy relationships. Tobias Beck: "One thing strikes me again and again - both with young people who form start-ups together and with older people who have been together for a long time. And that is that there are healthy combinations when both sides give." An example: you're self-employed and you've completed a job for your client. The customer is happy and pays on time. Tobias Beck: "Money is nothing more than energy. And in this case it is a so-called plus-plus relationship. Both are happy."
Unfortunately, there are also a lot of people who live in unhealthy relationships, for example plus-minus relationships. Tobias Beck: "One gives all the time and the other takes. That can't go well in the long run." He describes an example from the working world: "You give and your employer only takes all the time. That's one of the reasons why so many young people don't want to work for companies where someone from above preaches down to them how they should behave. That's not what young people want - that's an unhealthy relationship."
Finally, there are of course the minus-minus relationships, from which ultimately no one benefits. Tobias Beck recommends simply going through your professional and private contacts and paying close attention to which relationships are good for you and which are not. Because if there is a secret of success for the successful LIFEcoach, then this one: Get involved with the right relationships!
"When my wife Rita and I met, that's when we decided to work on our love." Tobias Beck is sure that relationships are hard work and just as exhausting as many other things in life. That's why you have to actively work at it. Any other tips you'd like to share? Tobias Beck: "Love is like a journey on the bus of life. Sometimes people sit down next to you and you realize that you don't have the same destination. I wish you had someone by your side that you'd still want to sit next to on the park bench when you're 80."
But there is one person you have to make peace with first: yourself! Tobias Beck recommends going on a little journey with the help of meditation: "To a person who lives deep inside you. This is a little boy or girl who has been longing for one person for years. You! For some people, this consciousness may be a bit bottled up with self-doubt or things they've told themselves over the years. But it's an exercise everyone should definitely try!"
Tobias Beck firmly believes that the next step for our society is to make a difference together in love: "That we become the problem solvers we so desire in others. That we stop pointing fingers at others and do things for others ourselves in love and give back." Last but not least, he has an important plea: "Since everything begins with love and everything ends with love in this world, I have two pleas: take care of your children. And take care of your parents. Thank you!"