Whether it is love relationships or business relationships, if you want to be truly successful in life, you have to start with your relationships. But unfortunately there are still many people who do not understand this. People who want to build big companies or great things, but can't even get their own relationship right. So that this doesn't happen to you and you have healthy relationships, here are the ultimate tips from Tobias Beck for you.
Tobias Beck is a successful keynote speaker, LIFEcoach and expert for personal development. He has been on the stages of the THANKANK YOU NIGHTS Speaking NIGHTS and can be found among others as an expert for success and motivation at the Business Factory. Tobias Beck is known for his emotional lectures in which he deals with people types, motivation, healthy relationships and self-love.
The cuddling hormone oxytocin
Can relationships be compared to a telephone contract? Tobias Beck has put forward his own theory on this: "In the beginning, it's like acquiring new customers. But the problem with many relationships is that at some point they move on to existing customer care. That's totally sad, because then people stop doing the things they did for each other in the beginning."
The reason for this is the so-called cuddling hormone oxytocin. Tobias Beck: "When you meet someone, your whole body is flooded with it. But after exactly seven years something happens in the relationship. After seven years this oxytocin level drops to zero." So the darn seventh year, in which most marriages end in divorce, can actually be traced back to biochemical processes in the body.
But why is that? Tobias Beck estimates that people stop after this time, collective activities with your partner. He also has a hot tip at the ready: "My wife Rita and I go to the airport every year and take the fourth flight from the top. That's our ritual. You can be really lucky: Two years ago we were in Kuala Lumpur - four days with our backpack in Malaysia. Well, last year we were in Münster/Osnabrück. You really have to love yourself to survive four days there!". So humour can't hurt in healthy relationships either.
Think nothing and connect everything together
Have you also noticed what serious differences there are between men and women? Or should I say between the male and female brain? Tobias Beck: "There is one thing that is absolutely fascinating: men and women are really different. When a stimulus is applied to the male brain it is processed in a very specific way. Men have boxes for each subject. ...in which the stimuli are processed, such as football and cars."
So there is a box for everything - even for nothing. Tobias Beck: "Of course, I am formulating this in a funny way, but it is true: Men have a nothing box in their brain. Google that! If you inject a man with a contrast medium and perform an imaging procedure, such as an MRI, you will see that certain regions of the brain flash. And if you show the man something, for example a bee that doesn't mean anything to him, the Nothing box flashes. Sometimes men just don't think anything!"
Now imagine the same procedure with the female brain before. Tobias Beck: "The woman is injected with a contrast medium and shown a picture, for example of a bee. And what does she do? She connects everything with everything! Period. Remember: Men like to go into the nothing box and women connect everything with everything. And what does this knowledge get us? It helps us to understand that sometimes your partner just ticks completely different than you do. The appeal is: Have understanding for it and look at the whole thing with humour!
Recognizing healthy relationships
But there is another point that is important for healthy relationships. Tobias Beck: "There is one thing that strikes me again and again - both with young people who form start-ups together and with older people who have been together for a long time. And there are healthy combinations when both sides give. An example: You are self-employed and have carried out an assignment for your client. The customer is happy and pays on time. Tobias Beck: "Money is nothing but energy. And in this case it is a so-called Plus Plus relationship. Both are happy."
Unfortunately, there are also many people who live in unhealthy relationships, for example Plus-minus relations. Tobias Beck: "One gives all the time and the other takes. That can't go well in the long run. He describes an example from the world of work: "You give and your employer takes all the time. That is one of the reasons why so many young people don't want to work for companies where someone from above preaches to them from the top down how they should behave. Young people don't want that - it's an unhealthy relationship."
Finally, of course, there is the Minus-Minus Relationshipsfrom which, in the end, no one benefits anymore. Tobias Beck recommends that you simply go through your professional and private contacts and pay attention to which relationships are good for you and which are not. Because if there is a secret of success for the successful LIFEcoach, then this one: Get involved in the right relationships!
Self-love as the basis for relationships
"When my wife Rita and I first met, we decided to work on our love." Tobias Beck is sure that relationships are hard work and just as exhausting as many other things in life. That's why you have to actively work on it. Want another tip? Tobias Beck: "Love is like a journey in a life bus. Sometimes people sit down next to you and you realize that you don't have the same goal. I wish you to have someone at your side, someone you still want to sit next to on the park bench when you are 80 years old.
But there is one person with whom you must first make peace: yourself! Tobias Beck recommends going on a small journey with the help of meditation: "To a person who lives deep inside you. This is a little boy or a little girl who has been longing for a person for years. For you! With some people this consciousness is perhaps a little filled up with self-doubt or things they have talked themselves into over the years. But everyone should try this exercise.
Tobias Beck firmly believes that the next step of our society is to change something together in love: "That we become the problem solvers we want so much in other people. That we stop pointing the finger at others, and that we ourselves, in love do things for others and give it back." Finally, he has an important appeal: "Since everything begins with love and everything in this world ends with love, I have two requests: Take care of your children. and take care of your parents. Thank you very much."