Having a happy relationship is what most people want. However, no partnership is free of relationship problems. This is not a cause for alarm at first: No couple can always see eye to eye. After all, they are two grown individuals. What is important, however, is that after a disagreement, you reach out to each other again.
If this is no longer possible, there are serious relationship problems. There can be several reasons for this. In the following, we would like to highlight the most common relationship problems and show constructive solutions.
Overview of typical relationship problems
An Relationship changes over time. If you've been with your partner for a while, you'll have noticed that you're dealing with different issues now than when you started. Let's take a closer look at the most common relationship problems:
General relationship problems
Do you catch yourself competing with your partner? Or do you feel constantly lectured by him/her? Does your partner perhaps even devalue your achievements in front of other people? In this case, you should immediately put a stop signal. A partner who is valuing him/herself by putting the other person down is usually suffering from a low self-esteem. Self-esteem.
In a relationship, you should support each other. It is not about which one of you is more successful, smarter or more attractive. It is okay that you have different qualities. Instead of trying to outdo each other, you should have an open conversation to find out how you can complement each other.
By the way, it is usually the male partners who fall into the strong competitive mindset. This most likely has evolutionary causes, which is a Study occupied.
Constantly making an issue of the other's foibles
Surely there is something that really annoys you about your partner. This can be both constantly left socks or an empty milk carton that is put back in the fridge. Sometimes it's also certain character traits or sayings that both partners use to get each other on their nerves.
In conflict situations, quite a few couples tend to argue with the deficits of the other person, although these have nothing to do with the current conflict. Example: "No wonder you forgot that important appointment. You can't even remember which days of the week you're supposed to clean out the dishwasher."
Tip: Always stay on topic and avoid generalizations such as the popular little word "always". Send "I" messages instead of blaming. Explain why you are disappointed: "I was counting on us to keep this appointment together. Can you explain what happened?"
Relationship problems at the beginning of the relationship
Want to change the partner
At the beginning of a relationship, one should assume that most couples are floating on a rosy cloud and relationship problems are still far away. However, this is not necessarily the case. It often happens, for example, that we strongly idealize the partner at the beginning. But prince charming or princesses only exist in fairy tales. It is not easy for everyone to accept this.
What follows is the unconscious attempt to change the new partner until he or she corresponds to our ideal image. That this brings conflicts in the long run should not be surprising. Having certain ideas of the perfect partner is not reprehensible. However, you should not get too attached to it. Do not deprive yourself of the chance to get to know and love your partner without bias.
Comparisons with the expartner
This point is quite critical and very hurtful for both parties. It may not have been long since you ended your previous relationship or were dumped. If your heart is still attached to your ex-partner, it is common for comparisons to be made in the current relationship.
Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes: You don't want to be a replacement either, do you? How would you feel if you were constantly compared to the ex?
Above all, be honest with yourself: After a traumatic Separation your heart needs quite a while to heal. Don't rush headlong into a new relationship in order to give the The Pain of Separation to evade.
Difficulties due to the family
Now let's move on to a true classic of relationship problems: dear relatives. The evil mother-in-law is known as a cliché from numerous films and books. However, problematic relatives also exist in reality. However, this does not necessarily have to be the mother-in-law.
If your relatives do not accept your new partner (or vice versa), this can lead you into a serious conflict. Most of the time, there is also concern behind the family's interference: maybe your parents fear that your new partner might be a bad influence on you.
Make them aware that you appreciate their concern, but ultimately you are an adult. It is up to you to judge who is good for you and who is not. Always remain objective. Of course, it would be desirable if your partner and your family had an amicable relationship. But in the end it is important that they accept each other and do not interfere.
Feature patchwork family
Patchwork families have become the norm in today's world, which means the following Research of the Federal Ministry for Family Affairs, Senior Citizens, Women and Youth:
Even though patchwork life enriches many families, it is rarely completely conflict-free. If the children do not accept your new partner, this is a serious problem for your relationship. Behind the rejection of a new partner is often the fear of the child to behave disloyal to the other parent.
The only thing that helps here is an open, age-appropriate conversation with your children. Make them aware that the new partner does not want to take on the role of mother or father. Ideally, your ex-partner will support you in this.
Relationship problems during pregnancy
Pregnancy is an exciting time full of changes - especially when it comes to relationship life. Not only the woman's body changes, but also her soul. Even if the pregnancy was longed for, anxieties and Uncertainties once it has really worked out. In addition, there are hormonally induced mood swings that cause misunderstandings.
Despite great joy, many fathers feel insecure when their partner is expecting a child. Especially the topic of sexuality suddenly becomes sensitive. In principle, sex is possible during pregnancy. There are only a few medical exceptions where the doctor recommends not having sexual intercourse. Nevertheless, some men fear that sex could harm the baby. However, this is not physically possible at all.
Open communication is always important, but this is especially true during pregnancy (especially for men). Talk about your worries and wishes. Tell your husband how he can take the pressure off you. Don't take it too tragically if things do get heated. Soon you will be a family. A change as drastic as this is never completely uncomplicated.
Challenges after the birth of the child
Even more drastic than the time of pregnancy is the birth of the child. Your everyday life will change completely from one day to the next. Suddenly the needs of the newborn child are in the foreground. Time for togetherness will be scarce for the time being. In theory, you probably knew this beforehand, but in reality it feels completely different.
Immediately after birth, the mother is also the most important caregiver for the child. This is especially true if breastfeeding is taking place. Many fathers feel insecure or excluded. They feel that the closeness between mother and baby is so strong that there is no room left for the father. But this does not have to be the case! Fathers can also be intensively involved in baby care (comforting, changing diapers, bathing).
In the long run, there is a danger that you will eventually become just parents and lose each other completely as a couple. As soon as the child is a little older, you should consciously take time for your relationship again. Maybe the grandparents can look after the children one evening while you go out for a romantic dinner?
Relationship problems due to Corona
The corona pandemic has put a strain on many a relationship: Money worries and Fears of the future due to short-time work or job loss have caused tension in many partnerships. In addition, most couples are not used to spending the entire day together for several months. Suddenly, foibles become apparent to each other of which one was previously unaware.
In times of lockdown and home office, it has proven useful to establish a clear daily structure: What time do we get up? Who gets the study and when? How do we redistribute household tasks while we are both at home?
Many relationship problems have their origin in childhood
The cause of relationship problems often lies in the childhood of one or both partners. Often in the partnership (unconsciously) what we have had to do without in our childhood is sought. People who were often left to their own devices in the past, for example, often look for a dominant partner. Of course, this cannot be generalized, but the observation is made again and again.
The desire for confirmation and closeness within a partnership is completely normal. It becomes problematic when you are completely dependent on the encouragement of your partner. This is also often the case when there was a lack of praise and affection in childhood. However, because of this foundation, a healthy adult relationship cannot be had. First, the inner child must heal.
The topics from your Past should be worked through so that you don't keep falling back into old patterns. The best way to do this is with professional support, e.g. with the help of a couples therapist.
5 tips to solve relationship problems
1. show affection
Show your love and appreciation whenever you can. This includes small loving gestures in everyday life as well as attentive listening. Also thank them for things they take for granted, e.g. for shopping. If the relationship is fundamentally characterized by love and appreciation, the frictions of life will leave fewer emotional scars.
2. do not act out of anger
When the emotions you often say things that you regret afterwards. Therefore: Leave the conflict situation before you lose your temper verbally or even physically. Sometimes just going for a walk around the block can help. Relationship problems should generally always be discussed with a cool head.
3. apologize properly
If there is a crisis in your relationship, there will be arguments. However, many do not know how they can approach each other again afterwards. Behind this is usually the unfounded fear of losing face. A sincere (!) apology can help to solve the problem, because it makes you both reconciled again: "I'm sorry that I hurt you."
4. avoid generalisations
Generalizations like "never," "always," and "typically" are absolutely counterproductive if you want to solve a relationship problem. These words automatically activate the self-defense mechanism. After all, no one likes to be pigeonholed.
5. address problems in a factual manner
Sure, you might fly off the handle when you come home from work stressed out and find your apartment in a messy state. However, it's more effective to voice your displeasure in a matter-of-fact way. State your needs clearly: "I want you to be more considerate."
At what point and in what situations are relationship problems normal?
The first relationship problems usually occur after a few months. After the initial infatuation subsides and the everyday life of the relationship settles in, most people suddenly notice sides of their partner that they feel disturbed by. This is perfectly normal. There are no two people who are always in perfect harmony.
Mostly, however, love prevails, so that one comes to terms with the small "mistakes" of the other. Regular and open communication is essential here. Crises after drastic events are also considered normal. It just takes time to get used to a new situation together. Sometimes this also requires a lot of commitment from both sides.
A happy relationship needs care
You want to lead a happy partnership and wish to have professional input? Then we would like to recommend our mini course on happy relationships. The course is led by our coaching experts Christina and Walter Hommelsheim. You will receive valuable and above all practical tips for a healthy and happy relationship life.