Giving feedback: how to do it right

In professional and private relationships, feedback is a key tool for improving communication and avoiding misunderstandings. It enables us to reflect on our behavior and grow together.

Definition: What is feedback?

Feedback refers to the feedback from the recipient of a message to the sender. It serves to let the sender know how their message has been perceived and understood and enables them to adapt their behavior accordingly. This feedback can be both verbal and non-verbal and is essential for eliminating communication problems.

Why is feedback important?

Good give feedback is crucial for successful communication - whether at work or at home. It enables:

• Personal developmentPeople learn how their behavior affects others and can adapt it.
• Better teamworkOpen feedback creates trust and transparency.
• Effective error correctionMisunderstandings are recognized and resolved more quickly.

Valuable feedback should always be solution-oriented so that it is not perceived as criticism but as a helpful suggestion.

How can you give constructive feedback?

To ensure that your feedback is effective and well received, follow these tried and tested steps:

1. be concrete and objective

Instead of general statements like "You always make mistakes", describe a specific situation:
"Your point wasn't quite clear in our last meeting. Perhaps you could present your arguments in a more structured way next time?"

2. use "I" messages

Instead of "You are too dominant in the conversation", phrase it as your perception:
"I have the feeling that some colleagues don't dare to speak when you talk a lot."

3. describe the effects

Explain why the behavior should be changed:
"If you give others more space, we can consider different perspectives."

4. offer a solution

Instead of just pointing out problems, make constructive suggestions:
"Maybe we could use a list of speakers to make sure everyone gets a chance to speak."

A proven method is the Sandwich methodwhich combines positive feedback with suggestions for improvement.

Five mistakes when giving feedback

Those who give constructive feedback can achieve a lot. Those who give bad feedback can do the same, but in a negative sense. Conflicts intensify and no one finds each other. So not only the content of the feedback is important, but also when and how you give it. You should avoid these five mistakes at all costs.

1. do not hurt anyone personally, but choose your words carefully.

Don't blurt out feedback uncontrollably. Pick a good moment when you can have a calm conversation in a positive environment.

3. don't judge anyone and don't focus on mistakes.

4. do not limit yourself to your own interests, but to those of the whole team.

5. don't dwell on blame, but strive to find a common solution that moves the whole team forward.

Processing Feedback: The SARA Model

Anyone who receives feedback goes through a certain reaction spectrum, which is known in science as the so-called SARA model. Behind this are four phases, which give the model its name:

1. shock

2. anger

3. resistance (resistance)

4. acceptance

Let us now take a closer look at these.

The shock phase

Anyone who is asked about a mistake or a matter that needs improvement in the form of feedback is initially shocked. The person doesn't want to admit it and thinks at first: "Someone else must have made a mistake!" In this phase, self-perception and the perception of others collide and the person addressed first needs time to process this.

The rage phase

This is followed by a phase in which the person being addressed attempts to assign blame to other people or certain circumstances. Self-reflection is not easy for everyone, so you quickly switch to defense and shift the responsibility away from yourself.

The resistance phase

This phase is probably the most difficult phase for the person who has expressed the feedback. The person is no longer looking for others to blame. Rather, he is now looking for reasons why certain things cannot be demanded of him.

The acceptance phase

Ideally, this is followed by the acceptance phase. The person being addressed understands that the feedback was in no way meant to be malicious or hurtful. He begins to reflect and realizes that his actions need improvement. Now the way is finally clear to move forward. It is important to give the person addressed time to reflect and not to put him under pressure.

Giving feedback with methods of the WWW rule

Another model we would like to mention at this point is the so-called "WWW rule". It makes it much easier for managers to give feedback in a way that no one feels criticized or personally attacked. Basically, it's about getting away from an accusatory sounding tone. The three W's stand for:

- perception

- impact

- desire

So you start by describing what you have observed. Then explain how the whole thing affects you and what the consequences are. Finally, you formulate a wish and describe how things should ideally continue in the future.

This is the best way to ask for feedback yourself

When was the last time you approached your employer yourself and asked for feedback? It's probably been a while, hasn't it? Yet it's so important to stay in the conversation, because that's the only way you can grow. Many people shy away from asking for feedback because they fear that, instead of constructive remarks criticism to harvest. Of course, points of criticism can be part of the feedback, but in addition, there are also suggestions for improvement, valuable tips and, of course, praise.

If you regularly ask for feedback, you will prevent yourself from developing in a completely wrong direction. But it's not just the question itself that's important, it's who you ask. Ask for feedback from someone who has the expertise to give you a qualified assessment. Asking the intern for an assessment makes little sense. It's better to ask a veteran with a lot of experience.

Of course, the feedback should be honest. Seek advice from someone who is not afraid to lay their cards on the table. Show the person you are addressing that you really care about their feedback and listen carefully. Afterwards, thank them for their time and openness. Afterwards, take your time to think about everything that has been mentioned and consider which suggestions you can implement.

How can you accept feedback better?

Not only give feedbackbut also Accept feedback is a valuable skill that is often underestimated. Many people react defensively or feel attacked when they receive feedback on their behavior. Constructive feedback offers the opportunity to develop further.

• Remain open - See it as an opportunity to improve yourself.
• Listen actively - Avoid defensive reactions or excuses.
• Question about - If anything is unclear, please provide examples or suggestions.
• Thank you - Recognize that someone has taken time for your growth.

Conclusion: Feedback as the key to personal growth

give feedback is a skill that everyone can improve. Whether at work, in a relationship or with friends - Appreciative and constructive feedback strengthens trust and promotes cooperation.

Use feedback as a tool for personal development - and become a better communicator yourself.