Not good enough: How to dissolve this belief system

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Not good enough: How to dissolve this belief system

The fear of not being good enough is a concern for many people. This is true regardless of appearance, profession and level of education. No matter what one has achieved: Somehow, a feeling of inadequacy always remains. In the long run, this can be very stressful psychologically, and the Self-confidence further diminish.

Do these thoughts sound familiar to you? Then you will learn below what possible causes there are and how you can free yourself step by step from this destructive Belief Set can solve.

What can I do if I don't feel good enough?

There are several ways to get rid of the feeling of not being good enough. In this article we will introduce you to different methods. Basically, however, you should know that in almost all cases this belief system results from a lack of self-esteem. The focus should therefore be on strengthening your self-esteem.

Self-esteem is the evaluation of one's own person: How do you perceive yourself? What abilities, talents and characteristics do you attribute to yourself? Self-perception does not always conform to external perception. People who do not feel good enough often make particularly high demands on themselves.

To find your inner balance, you should also find out what makes you happy, regardless of society's expectations. Being supposedly not good enough is a rather vague definition: good enough for what and for whom? The answer is: for yourself.

i am not good enough

Where does the feeling of not being good enough come from?

The conviction that they are not good enough has preoccupied many people since childhood. In fact, childhood experiences and upbringing set the course for later self-esteem. If a child has the experience of never being able to satisfy his parents, he internalizes the conviction that he is not good enough.

Example: A child is passionate about sports and has won the bronze medal in a competition. Now, instead of rejoicing with the child over his success, the parents ask, "So, when are you going for gold?"

Even though the causes of low self-esteem and the resulting beliefs often lie in childhood, it is by no means a matter of finding someone to blame. Rather, it is important that you explore the origins of your negative thoughts in order to be able to examine them for their truthfulness from your present adult perspective.

Furthermore, it is important to emphasize that targeted Motivation Children not harms. Pushing your kids to do better doesn't necessarily make them feel like they're not doing enough. However, it depends on the tone and methodology. If parents formulate the motivation in a positive way ("I believe in you, you can do it!"), the child's self-esteem is even strengthened.

The factors that also influence a child's self-esteem can be seen from the following scientific elaboration of the Leibniz Center for Psychological Information and Documentation.

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Low self-esteem due to negative interpersonal experiences.

Sometimes the Belief Setnot being good enough, also due to repeated negative experiences in interpersonal relationships. This is also possible in later life. Toxic partnerships in particular pose a risk. If a loved one constantly gives you the feeling that you can't do anything on your own or that you are not smart or desirable enough, you will start to doubt yourself at some point.

Interpersonal Disappointments away from partnerships, e.g., in professional life and among family or friends, can further reinforce the negative beliefs. If there is already a latent inner Dissatisfaction with your own circumstances, you are all the more susceptible to negative impulses. This is especially true when you start comparing yourself to other people.

Confirm your Fears regarding your supposed inadequacy through words or actions of other people, you get deeper and deeper into a devastating thought spiral. Breaking this spiral is not easy, but it is possible and worthwhile.

How do you deal with this belief?

The thought of not being good enough can feel so agonizing that it literally paralyzes you. This is fatal, because to overcome it, you need to take active action. The following five strategies can help you do that:

Ask yourself the question: What does "good enough" actually mean?

If you think about what it actually means to be good enough, you will probably have a hard time finding a concrete answer. After all, there are no universal standards in this regard. It is therefore a relative concept. So the question should rather be: What demands do you make on yourself? What do you want you achieve in life?

Here it is important that you really stay with yourself and your wishes and needs. Often, the conviction that you are not good enough results from the social expectations of our Western culture: at best, you should graduate from high school, complete your studies, and, if possible, marry before the age of thirty and then start a family.

Such expectations exert pressure. If life goes in a different direction, a feeling of inferiority quickly arises. However, if you focus on yourself and shape your life according to your wishes, you can free yourself from the pressure of expectations. Make yourself aware again and again: It is your life and you do not live it to satisfy other people. Stay with yourself!

2. it depends on your inner values

Admittedly, the saying may already sound a little used up, if not trite. Nevertheless, it makes sense to look into the background of this statement. Stop defining yourself by your possessions, your looks or your professional achievements. In all of this, you would be replaceable: there is always someone richer, more beautiful and successful than you will ever be.

It is your human qualities that make you unique: Maybe you're a good listener who always has an open ear for the concerns of those around you? Or are you the one who always finds the right words in a tense situation? Interaction with other people and their affection are worth much more than recognition based on material things or achievements.

3. nobody is perfect

Is there also that one person in your environment with the seemingly perfect life? As already mentioned, the feeling of not being good enough arises. Often when we start comparing ourselves to other people. Keep in mind, however, that you can never know if that flawless appearance isn't just a facade. There is no perfect person who never makes mistakes.

If you like to compare yourself to someone else to spur you on, just compare yourself to a previous version of yourself: What all have you accomplished? How close did you get to your goals when you look back five or even ten years?

Every person has different prerequisites. This applies to all areas of life. Comparing yourself with other people is therefore completely counterproductive for your self-confidence.

4. treat yourself like a good friend

Not feeling good enough often brings feelings of shame and Guilt with yourself. Do you also tend to sink into self-blame when something hasn't gone your way? In this case, it can help to ask yourself how you would talk to a good friend in the same situation. Would you be as hard on him as you are on yourself? Probably not.

You would most likely tell your friend that he is being too hard on himself and that you like him regardless of his accomplishments. Be as gracious with yourself as you would be with a good friend. Calling yourself a failure won't get you one step closer to your goals.

5. meet your negative belief system with curiosity

Even if the belief of inadequacy feels torturous, the feeling is not against you. Basically, every EmotionThe feeling you're experiencing may be telling you something important. So take the chance and feel deep inside yourself: In which situations does the unpleasant feeling occur particularly often? With which aspects of your life are you dissatisfied? And most importantly, what can you do about it?

Do not try to get rid of the feeling by force. The more you resist your feelings of not being good enough, the more penetrating they become in your consciousness.

How to strengthen your self-esteem

As already mentioned in the introduction, it is of elementary importance to Strengthen self-esteem, if you don't feel good enough. In our professional article on the topic you will find numerous useful impulses.

Let's summarize again what concrete actions you can take against the belief of not being good enough:

  1. Find out the causes: Where does this feeling come from?
  2. Look at your current life situation: When does the feeling occur particularly often?
  3. Be aware: "Not good enough" does not really exist! It depends on your personal standards, not on the expectations of society.
  4. Develop a plan: What makes me unhappy? What can I change?
  5. Come into action: Only you have the power to change your situation. In the future, there will always be challenging situations in which you will encounter this old belief. Be aware of this, reflect and reinforce yourself again positively!


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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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