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Separation - This is how you succeed in an appreciative way and in friendship

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Separation - This is how you succeed in an appreciative way and in friendship

As beautiful as love is - sometimes it can be at least as painful. "We've broken up" is definitely one of those phrases that is particularly difficult to say, because you hope you'll never have to say it. However, staying in a relationship where both partners are unhappy is not always the right decision. On the other hand, there are various ways to Relationship to be revived again. Not every disagreement has to mean the final separation.

The topics of relationships and separation are incredibly broad and complex. And that's exactly why we'll address them together below and clarify when a breakup is the right decision, what phases it goes through, how you can get through it well, and much more.

What does a breakup mean in a relationship?

A breakup does not necessarily mean the end of a relationship. Often it is even good for couples to separate temporarily. This gives them space to figure out their feelings and whether or not they still want to spend their future together.

If one or both partners are often sad, angry or disappointed, this can be emotionally very stressful. It is difficult to become clear about one's own feelings in this environment. In this case, a temporary physical separation is the right way to find out in which direction the relationship is actually moving.

In order for this phase of separation to be successful, it is important to establish a few rules. They are essential so that both feel comfortable during this time and no one is overcome by insecurities, fears or even anger. The more structure your temporary separation has, the more successful you will come out of this phase. According to psychotherapist Zi Wang, you should establish the following points:

  • How much contact do you have with each other during this time?
  • How often do you meet in person?
  • What topics do you talk about?
  • Which topics do you specifically leave out?
  • Are dates with others allowed?
  • To what extent do you inform your family and friends about the temporary separation?

The way out of the break

Always remember: the break is not a battle against each other, but should be an opportunity to make plans for your reunion. Take the time you need for this and do not end the break prematurely. Otherwise, it may all have been in vain.

If it turns out that both partners use this time to work on the relationship and themselves and to sort out points of contention, the last chapter in this togetherness does not have to be written yet by any means.

If, on the other hand, it becomes clear that both feel much better during the separation phase, it is time to admit to each other that permanently separate paths may be better. Each person now goes about his or her daily life alone and embarks on his or her own journey.

Process separation

When does it make sense to separate?

Every relationship has its ups and downs, that's perfectly normal. But when does the point come when being together just doesn't make sense anymore? Probably the most important sign that a breakup is the right way to go is, of course, when you no longer love each other. But figuring that out is often not so easy. Are you just feeling disgruntled, disappointed, or angry about your fight right now?

Everyone feels that way from time to time. But such feelings do not mean that you no longer love your partner. So go into yourself and think about how your life would be without your partner. We are not talking about the fact that you would live alone or that you would be in a worse financial position. We are talking about the emotional level.

What else keeps you together?

Do you not care if your partner is at home or not? Do you miss him/her when he/she is not there or do you perhaps even feel more comfortable and free when you do something without him/her? The answer is "yes"? Then ask yourself honestly why you are still with your partner at all.

Is it the Habit? Is it not to lonely to be? Is it just because of the children? If that's all that's holding your relationship together, a breakup is probably the better way for both of you, because your happiness is waiting elsewhere.

The feelings have faded

"Why am I suddenly not happy anymore, even though I was for so many years?" - This question is asked by an incredible number of couples who have lived their lives together for ages. But in fact, over time, love can turn into friendship or even indifference. You just live side by side, have less and less interest in spending time together and hardly have anything to say to each other.

Love is not something that can be taken for granted. Every relationship demands work from both partners. It's easy to forget that in the stress of everyday life, so keep reminding yourselves of it! But if both of you have no interest at all in investing anything in your togetherness, your joint clock may have run out.

The 8 phases of separation

Anyone who has ever gone through a breakup knows it's anything but easy. You feel empty and lost. You need time to reorganize life. Of course, we don't wish anyone to have their relationship fall apart. But if it does happen, we want to help you get through this difficult time.

That's why we'll introduce you to the eight phases of a breakup below. If you know them, it will at least be a little easier for you to deal with it. So here we go!

1. the first shock

"It's over." This sentence makes your heart stop for a moment. The earth stops spinning, everything around you stands still, and your brain suddenly seems to go completely blank. You're in shock. "Did he/she really just say that?" or "Did I really just say that?"

You are not able to feel anything at this moment. You are looking for the right words, but you just can't find them. Many people feel quite stiff and powerless during this phase. The body goes into a kind of protective function that protects you from stimulus overload.

2. you do not want to admit it

You have not yet realized that you have separated and you don't want to. You push the situation away from you inwardly so that you don't have to deal with it. But that does not make the separation undone.

Nevertheless, you hope inwardly that this was all just a bad dream in which you are still trapped. Deep down, you wish that there might still be a reconciliatory conversation between you.

3. you slander the separation

You don't want to let on that the breakup hurts you and simply act as if nothing has happened. You don't tell your family and friends about it and, if possible, continue to live exactly as before. You would rather find your way around in your new everyday life and take small steps.

4. anger overcomes you

The The Pain of Separation turns into anger. Now the time has come when the feelings burst out of you and you simply can't hold them back anymore. You come back to your senses and are angry because the person you loved so much has caused you so much pain. You feel like he/she just took advantage of you and you want to get back at him/her.

5. you fight again for the relationship

All the grief and anger that have been building up inside you have now been released. Your clouded vision is clear again and you now ask yourself whether you should fight for your ex-partner again. However, this phase holds some dangers.

Couples often try to rekindle their relationship by taking big steps and buying a house or starting a family. If the reunion doesn't work out, however, the "damage" becomes greater and greater. It is important not to lose touch with reality during this phase.

6. you are grieving for your relationship

In the struggle for your relationship you had to admit defeat? Then you find yourself in the Mourning phase again. Now you finally accept that it's over and feel terrible. This is quite normal, after all, you have just parted with a person who was incredibly important to you.

What is important now is that you become aware of your perspectives and do not forget your own value.
Always remember: life can be beautiful even without your ex-partner. You are an independent person who can live your life all by yourself.

7. you let go

You have now come to terms with the separation and are ready, Past to let go. Often the phase of mourning passes smoothly into the phase of letting go. You orientate yourself outward again, have your Joie de vivre and developed a rhythm all of your own. You concentrate more on the things that are fun and good for you.

8. you reorient yourself

The "we" has now finally become a "me" and that's totally okay for you. Your spirits are up and you feel like trying new things. You discard old patterns that made you feel uncomfortable and shape your life the way you see fit. You find yourself once again in a completely new way.

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5 Ways to Overcome a Relationship Breakup

An End relationship, is incredibly difficult. How can you overcome the separation and reduce the pain? We have collected five ways for you.

  1. Give yourself time to get used to the new circumstances and don't rush frantically from one relationship to the next. It's okay to be sad!
  2. How would you like to be single? What are the benefits of going through life without your ex-partner? Focus on the positive things that are waiting for you now.
  3. Make yourself number one. You are your priority now, so go after the things you enjoy and that have a positive impact on your mindset. Put yourself first.
  4. Plan your days so you don't fall back into phases of grief so quickly.
  5. Put your ex-partner out of your mind as a confidant if that is not good for you. Turn more to your friends or family for emotional support.

It's not just you: separation is difficult

No one's breakup is easy. It's perfectly okay to be sad, maybe even angry. It's also okay if you need time for yourself right now. In fact, you should urgently take this time to process the matter. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. The only thing that matters is that you feel better again and can look to the future full of joy.

But of course, a breakup doesn't always have to be permanent. If you really love each other, then fight for your relationship! Communication is the be-all and end-all here. If you don't talk openly about what bothers you, you will never get the potential for conflict out of the way. Listen to each other and admit your own mistakes.

Don't just point the finger at the other person, but also hold up a mirror to yourselves. If there is still no way around the separation, then you may manage to remain friends anyway. With the help of Personality Development can make this much easier for you. Within this framework, you will get to know yourselves better, but also the personality of the other person. You can better empathize with your ex-partner and understand his/her points of view. The end of a relationship does not have to mean the end on a friendly level.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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