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Separation despite love: When is this step inevitable?

Reading time 7 minutes
Separation despite love: When is this step inevitable?

A separation despite love: this sounds like the very greatest contradiction imaginable. As long as there is love, there is always hope. This is what most people believe. Unfortunately, this is a fallacy. A separation despite love is not only possible, but in some cases even urgently necessary.

Separation despite love: when does it make sense?

A separation despite love basically always makes sense if one or both parties are suffering within the existing partnership. Dear is no guarantee of happiness and well-being. Deep feelings, as beautiful as they are, often cloud the view of reality. Sometimes love even has a self-destructive effect. This is especially the case when one partner loves more than the other.

So if you don't feel valued and respected by your partner, then it would be time to think about a separation despite love. Your self-esteem must not break within the partnership. Unfortunately, most people often only draw a line when the latter has already happened.

Listen deep inside yourself: Most of the time you already know inside that a separation is inevitable despite love, even if your heart still persistently refuses to accept this. Your inner voice is a reliable guide.

separation although you love each other

The most common reasons for separation despite love

There can be various reasons for a separation despite love. Below we have summarized the most common scenarios:

1. emotional imbalance

We've already touched on it briefly: If your partner can't reciprocate your deep feelings to the extent you need, sooner or later you'll starve emotionally. You deserve a partner who loves you with all his heart and can show you this. Is this the case in your current Relationship If this is not the case, a separation despite love can protect your mental health.

2. different life plans

The classic reason for separating despite love is the desire to have children. There is no compromise here: If you long for a family, but your partner is strictly against it, you have no prospects for the future together. Whether you should give up your heart's desire for the sake of the other person needs to be carefully considered. There is a great danger that you will one day reproach your partner.

In addition to the topic of having children, life plans can also differ in other ways: Your partner may dream of emigrating, while you are very close to home. Or, over the years, you may have developed a different emphasis on career and free time that does not (or no longer) harmonize.

3. your relationship of trust is destroyed

A fling, an affair or a betrayal of another kind: once trust has been destroyed, it is sometimes better to end the relationship despite love. Of course, there is a chance to rebuild lost trust. But not all couples succeed in doing so.

Here you should be honest with yourself: Can you forgive your partner? Or are you constantly plagued by the fear that the breach of trust could happen again? If the fears are very dominant, you should separate.

4. addictions and dependencies

Surely you have heard something about co-dependency. If one partner suffers from an addiction, the other is automatically sucked into the devastating vortex of despair and lies. That this cannot be a healthy basis for a partnership is self-explanatory. Nevertheless, this does not mean that you have to leave your sick partner in any case!

It depends on the circumstances: If your partner is willing to deal with his/her problems actively and with therapeutic support, then support her/him to the best of your ability. However, if there is no understanding of the illness and you are constantly being coerced by your partner to lie for him or even to get him the addictive substance (e.g., alcohol), you should protect yourself and seek a Separation consider.

5. violence in the partnership

Violence within a partnership is unfortunately not an isolated phenomenon. This is confirmed by the evaluation of the BKA from 2018.

There is no excuse for violence, whether it is psychological or physical. Never tell yourself that you provoked your partner. Confide in someone and end the relationship.

6. excessive jealousy

A certain degree of Jealousy is normal and even quite flattering: Surely it would bother you a lot if your partner didn't care what you were up to. However, too much jealousy can be a real relationship killer, necessitating a breakup despite love. This can even be shown by Study results occupy

Excessive jealousy manifests itself, for example, through excessive control, secret spying, and baseless insinuations.

Separation despite love: 5 ways to overcome the pain

A separation is always painful. If strong feelings are still involved, this is even more true. There is no patent remedy for Heartbreak to avoid it completely. This is not helpful at all: You must first accept the pain in order to be able to overcome it in the end. The following tips can help you to do this:

1. keep in mind that the separation had a meaning despite love

A separation despite love sounds at first like senseless suffering. But that is not the case! Whenever heartache threatens to overwhelm you, you should remember what reasons ultimately led to the breakup. After all, if you had been happy in the relationship, the breakup would not have happened.

It often helps to write down the reasons for the breakup. In this way you can clarify more intensively why the relationship no longer made sense despite the existing feelings.

2. consistent break off of contact

If you have decided to break up despite your love for your ex-partner, it is advisable to break off contact with him or her. You need both the spatial and the emotional distance so that the fresh emotional wounds can heal in peace.

Also, be prepared for your partner to try to talk you out of the breakup. By breaking off contact, you avoid the attempts at persuasion. The danger that you will be persuaded is avoided. In addition, avoid places and situations that you associate with fond memories of the failed relationship.

3. do not be too impatient with yourself

Even if you made the decision to separate with full conviction, grief cannot be avoided. Especially if the separation took place in spite of love. So it's perfectly okay to be distraught and to cry. You've lost a loved one. No one expects you to go about business as usual right away. Take the grieving time you need.

4. allow the thought of a happy future without your partner

A breakup is painful and shatters many dreams for the future. Nevertheless, you should realize that your happiness in life is never dependent on another person. You alone have the power to shape your life according to your own ideas.

Until now, your partner has certainly played a major role in your ideas about the future. Now there is a void there for the time being. A void that you can fill, however, by reflecting on your own wishes and dreams: Are there life goals that you buried a long time ago because they didn't fit into your relationship concept? Now the opportunity has come to realize them after all.

5. be open to new experiences

Breakups are painful and difficult mainly because most people are afraid of change. However, if you give these changes a chance, you pave the way for new positive experiences. As mentioned earlier, after a breakup you should avoid all places and activities that remind you of your ex-partner. Instead, find new hobbies.

Maybe there's something you've always wanted to try: horseback riding, skydiving, or joining a book club? There are no limits to your imagination. Try out what brings you joy. Another plus: If you take up a new hobby, you'll also meet new people. It's possible that this could lead to firm friendships or even a new partnership.

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Separation despite love is a personal decision

Should I fight for the relationship or separate despite love? In the end, no one will be able to make this decision for you. As already discussed, your mental well-being is a good indicator to decide for a separation.

If you suffer more from the relationship than it makes you happy, breaking up is often the better choice. The difficulty lies in admitting this fact to yourself. Especially if you still love your partner, you will certainly try to deny or relativize some unpleasant truth. Become aware of this and act as rationally as possible - even if it is difficult.

Conclusion

In order to have a successful relationship, it is important to understand the main reasons for partnership failure. Otherwise, you run the risk of unknowingly repeating the mistakes of the past. In this context, we would like to offer you our free webinar on "The 5 biggest & often unnoticed relationship mistakes" recommend

During this webinar, our coaching experts will show you how to find out for yourself what you really want from a fulfilling partnership expect. While many people know exactly what they no way want, but in return cannot name their actual wishes and needs. However, this is the first step to a happier relationship life.

Furthermore, you will learn how to dissolve negative beliefs about relationships and how to communicate with your partner in an appreciative way - also and especially in case of conflict. We will provide you with all kinds of useful practical tips. The webinar is suitable for both couples and singles.

So what are you waiting for? Take your relationship happiness into your own hands and sign up for free today!

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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