How can I find my way back into life after strokes of fate?

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How can I find my way back into life after strokes of fate?

Whether it's a terrible diagnosis, the sudden loss of a loved one or a natural disaster: Strokes of fate are drastic events that often occur unprepared and throw your entire life off course. Suddenly, the world as you knew it no longer exists. Consequently, it is understandable that you first lose confidence in life.

Even if you can't yet imagine it in the midst of your despair, even severe strokes of fate can eventually be overcome. However, this requires Time. Moreover, the goal is not to forget the event, but to lead a happy and livable life (again) despite the blow of fate. In the following, we would like to give you some helpful impulses on your way.

When life goes off track: examples of strokes of fate

Strokes of fate can be of a diverse nature and can occur in almost all areas of life. Possible examples of strokes of fate are:

  • The death of loved ones
  • A serious illness
  • Accidents with serious consequences
  • Sudden unemployment
  • Divorce
  • Bad news ("Your child is delinquent and will be incarcerated.").
  • Financial ruin
  • War and flight
  • Natural disasters

Moreover, what qualifies as a blow of fate can vary from individual to individual. What you experience as traumatic may hardly affect someone else.

How do strokes of fate affect those affected?

Strokes of fate are a massive shock to the life we have known up to now. Afterwards, nothing is the same as it once was. Since they are fundamentally painful in nature, strokes of fate are accompanied by great despair. It often takes a while before those affected can really realize what has happened at all.

Interesting to know: With the so-called Denial Phase it is a protection of the psyche.

Grief and despair are the dominant emotions shortly after a stroke of fate. emotions. When the initial shock subsides, anger sets in. You ask yourself why something so terrible had to happen to you of all people and how life can be so unfair. You may lose your Faith in you and trust in life. The paralyzing feeling of powerlessness is also characteristic after a blow of fate.

Moreover, since strokes of fate change life in a negative way, you will be affected by Fears and worries. You ask yourself how you can go on despite this drastic event. Perhaps you are even forced to take a completely new path in life and give up old dreams.

why do strokes of fate happen

Strokes of fate: What are the coping strategies?

Strokes of fate, as the name already aptly expresses it, can be equated with a painful blow of life. Nevertheless, it is possible to recover. However, this is an exhausting and time-consuming process, which by its very nature can also be associated with regressions. Furthermore, character and attitude to life play a central role.

Dealing with strokes of fate: A question of character type

Every person processes strokes of fate in a different way, which is why not every coping strategy is equally suitable for everyone. A distinction is made between the following four types:

1. the resilient type

Resilient people have the enviable ability to overcome even severe strokes of fate relatively unscathed. Instead of despairing, they react by adapting their behavior, which enables them to cope better with difficult situations. The resilient type rarely shows typical trauma sequelae such as PTSD or flashbacks.

2. the delayed type

With people of this character type, it initially seems as if strokes of fate bounce off them. However, this impression is deceptive. Rather, it is an unhealthy displacement mechanism that cannot be sustained over the long term.

Sooner or later, the delayed type is caught up by the respective event and, in the worst case, breaks down psychologically. The processing of the blow of fate is accordingly difficult.

3. the recovered type

The recovered type is a true fighter. People of this type develop an irrepressible fighting spirit after strokes of fate and are desperate to get back on their feet under their own steam. As a rule, they succeed within two years in coming to terms with the blow of fate and reorganizing their lives.

4. the chronic type

People of the chronic type can recover from strokes of fate only with difficulty or not at all. They fall into a proverbial black hole from which they can no longer find a way out. After a traumatic experience, they retain traces on body and soul. Accordingly, the suicide rate is particularly high in the chronic type.

dealing with strokes of fate

Overcoming blows of fate: 8 tips

The worst thing about a blow of fate is probably the feeling of finality and powerlessness. However, the latter is only partially true. You can definitely take measures to get better faster. Below we have summarized 8 proven tips for you.

1. acceptance of the situation

Have you ever heard of the change paradox? The more vehemently you deny a situation, the more present it will become in your Awareness and determine your everyday life. So the first and most important step is to accept the blow of fate: What has happened, has happened. Only by accepting the situation will you be able to act constructively again.

2. get professional help

After severe strokes of fate, psychotherapy is indispensable in most cases. Contrary to prejudices that unfortunately still exist, this is by no means weakness. After all, you would also go to the doctor if you had broken your arm, right?

After a stroke of fate, the soul also needs professional help. Just being able to talk openly with someone is a great relief for many of those affected. You can find addresses of psychotherapists online or by asking your health insurance provider.

3. seek support from friends and family

Friends and family can be a valuable support after strokes of fate. Open conversations with trusted people help you to come to terms with what you have experienced. In addition, good friends and family members can also help you with organizational matters, such as organizing a funeral or assisting you with applications and dealing with the authorities.

4. activities for relaxation and strengthening self-confidence.

Self-care is important after a stroke of fate. Of course, it's understandable that you don't feel much desire, Sports or to spend a spa day with friends. Nevertheless, it can be worthwhile to get over yourself! It is not a bad thing if the first activity after the blow of fate is still associated with tears or even has to be canceled. Taste your way back into life little by little.

Ideally, these should be activities that you do not associate with the event in any way. Good options to restore your mental balance are relaxation techniques such as Jacobsen progressive muscle relaxation, autogenic training, yoga and Meditation.

5. strokes of fate: Allow yourself your time to grieve

Do not repress your grief, because it is an important part of the spiritual healing process. Only if you allow and accept your current despair can you ultimately overcome it. A therapist can help you with this.

But you can also positively influence your mourning process in everyday life. Detach yourself from the demand to always be strong. Let the tears flow when you feel like it. Cry and shout out your despair. The latter has an extremely liberating effect.

Literally bottling up your negative emotions only works for a limited time. Sooner or later, the repressed feelings make their way to the surface and overwhelm you. This is much more unpleasant and uncontrollable than a healthy grieving process would have been.

6. keep optimism and hope

If you've just hit rock bottom, this tip may seem mocking to the point of macabre. However, with a little distance, optimism and hope are your only lifelines to overcome the blow of fate. Not losing hope even in the face of disaster is one of the admirable traits of resilient people.

Something terrible happened to you, there is no doubt about that and this should not be relativized. Nevertheless, this does not mean that you will never again experience something beautiful. Believe that better times will follow, even if the pain is still omnipresent at the moment.

After an appropriate period of mourning, it is above all one's own fighting spirit and a positive attitude to life that accelerate the healing process. This is demonstrated, among other things, in the Reference book of "What Doesn't Kill Us - How People Succeed in Emerging Stronger from Strokes of Fate and Traumatic Experiences" by Stephen Joseph.

7. introduce (new) rituals into your everyday life

Many people find it helpful to integrate (memorial) rituals into everyday life in order to cope with the blow of fate. If a close relative has died, this can involve a weekly visit to the cemetery or lighting a candle on the deceased's birthday, for example. A picture in the home that always reminds people of their loved one can also be healing.

However, rituals are helpful not only in the case of death, but also in the case of other kinds of strokes of fate. Try to give your everyday life a structure. Consciously take time for yourself, e.g. to meditate or go for a walk in nature.

8. rearrange your life

There are strokes of fate after which one believes that a normal continuation of life is no longer possible. In fact, there will be a "before" and "after" after drastic events. Nevertheless, it is possible at some point to return to a life that is worth living and happy life to lead. For this to succeed, you may have to say goodbye to old dreams and find new perspectives for the future.

If, for example, you are unable to pursue your previous career goals due to illness, this is undoubtedly tragic. Nevertheless, there are alternatives that can fulfill you just as well, provided you are open to them. Take stock of what is possible and what would give you pleasure.

Conclusion: Strokes of fate can be overcome

Strokes of fate can be painful and confusing, but there are ways to cope and get back to life. No one is protected from Misfortune protected. The big question of why is therefore fruitless and ultimately only leads to even greater bitterness.

After a blow of fate, it is not important to reach the old status quo, but to continue living despite the event. It is important that you allow yourself the necessary time to process what has happened. In many cases, psychotherapy is also essential. Friends and family can also be an important support. But coaching can also be very healing. In it, you can resolve the issues that are associated with fears and blockages.

After a while, you may even be able to see something positive in the blow of fate. The event may have brought you together with people you would never have met otherwise - or new professional opportunities may have opened up. Provided you don't give up on yourself, you can make the most of your Life crisis emerge strengthened.



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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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