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If it's a crisis: With a marriage counseling you have a good chance

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If it's a crisis: With a marriage counseling you have a good chance

Things have gone awry in your marriage. One day the sparks fly, another day you are silent. What's going on? Love is not over - only the Misunderstandings drive you crazy. When you get your Save relationship marriage counseling can help. This will get you through difficult phases. With outside guidance, you can find your way back together and revitalize your partnership.

What is marriage counseling?

Unlike a Couples therapy marriage counseling is about concrete proposals to solve your conflicts. Of course, the causes play a role, but in the foreground is the Guidance for open communication. The marriage counselor remains impartial and acts as a moderator: He lets both partners have their say.

During the consultation, the coach helps to address the current problems. Where are you struggling right now? Why are you arguing? Maybe you have financial problems or there are conflicts within the family, for example, about raising children.

The sooner you go to a counseling center, the better your chances. However, if you suppress your frustration, it will get worse. Overcome your inhibitions and ask your partner for marriage counseling to help you work through the problems: Together, you can make it work.

When does marriage counseling make sense?

You always have to take care of the laundry, drive the kids around or do other chores. This has been bothering you for a long time Timebut you don't say it - your partner must see that! But no, if you say nothing, he also notices nothing. At some point it bursts out of you and he looks at you in amazement: Why didn't you say something much earlier?

Perhaps it is not only certain Habitsthat bother you about your spouse. Some couples also grow apart. Difficult periods in life can also lead to conflicts - as you will see in this Article learn. Yes, you promised to stick together in good times and bad. But it can't go on like this!

If your marriage has a stable, trusting foundation, marriage counseling may make sense. With what you learn there, you can overcome even severe crises together. Who knows, maybe your relationship will even become stronger as a result.

Couples or marriage counseling is especially recommended in the following situations:

  • Partners lack mutual understanding and support,
  • The common desires and goals have changed and continue to diverge,
  • The emotional and physical closeness decreases,
  • Mutual criticism and recriminations pile up,
  • Disappointment is spreading,
  • The Dissatisfaction about everyday habits and role distribution grows,
  • Lies and Mistrust put a strain on the relationship,
  • Major conflicts such as parenthood or professional problems lower the quality of life,
  • The danger of Jealousy and real or perceived fraud increases,
  • External influences (family, life circumstances, etc.) have an unfavorable effect on feelings.
marriage counseling costs

Differences between couple therapy, marriage counseling and marriage coaching

Therapy, counseling and Coaching all deal with crises in partnerships. Couples therapy has its origin in family therapy. The therapist makes diagnoses and works with psychotherapeutic techniques. The focus is on the partners' personal experiences, because they are often the triggers for the current problems. This therapeutic process takes a lot of time and can last 60 hours or longer.

In contrast, marriage counseling usually focuses on a specific topic. It often takes place in a counseling center that belongs to a church congregation. Psychological practices also offer such counseling. In an open conversation, the counselor addresses your individual situation. He or she will help you to talk to each other again. You will receive suggestions for solutions to the respective problems. You can try them out for yourself to see how well they suit you.

In couple or marriage coaching you will learn efficient methods of crisis management. In such a partnership coaching there are instructions for self-help. A psychotherapeutic approach with a look into childhood is normally not necessary. It is more important to analyze the individual way of thinking. How do you see your partner? Is there a way for each of you to change your own view and individual behavior?

How can marriage counseling help?

Individual marriage counseling is worthwhile in many cases. That is why it is worth going to the counseling center. Especially helpful is the support of open communication. With the help of the counselor you will understand each other better again. You regain your honesty and no longer react so sensitively to criticism. At the same time, you recognize what unites you and makes you strong.

The sexual desire decreases - the trust is no longer as strong as before - the everyday life and the external relationships put a strain on the relationship - a lot changes due to these influences. But in marriage counseling you come closer to each other again. If only because you are both interested in giving your relationship new momentum.

Thus, couples counseling helps you on several levels:

  • You are more honest with each other again and talk more about your feelings,
  • By perceiving each other again, you are thus showing your Appreciation,
  • You respect each other's opinions and therefore your differences,
  • The reasons for your love and togetherness are more in the foreground,
  • Instead of selfish arguments in which everyone wants to win, you look for joint solutions that satisfy both of you,
  • You will learn how to better handle crisis situations,
  • You both gain Self-confidence and sometimes also sets limits.

In any case, in marriage counseling you get to know each other intensively. This is an important point, especially in long-term relationships where the partners have evolved. The good thing is that not only your marriage will be happier: Friendships can also benefit from your new strength. You will also be more self-confident at work.

How do I find the right advice?

If you have no experience with marriage counseling, it is difficult to find a coach or therapist. The chemistry should be right - that's easy to say, but difficult to realize. After all, you can't test several couples counselors one after the other. You want to overcome the crisis as quickly as possible.

You can tell if the consultant is right for you by these signs:

  • Some counseling centers and counselors have references or an online presence. Other couples' experiences with the counselor can also be helpful. What is your gut feeling about this first impression?
  • Sympathy is the basis for honest Conversations. Does the consultant speak your language, or are you rather skeptical because he is a completely different type of person? The right chemistry, a basic understanding, without these prerequisites it will be difficult.
  • It doesn't work without trust. In an initial meeting, you find out whether you can get along with the counselor. This trust refers on the one hand to the competence and on the other hand to the personal relationship with the marriage counselor.
  • To get to know each other, some counseling centers offer an initial, non-binding informational interview. This is particularly useful if you are considering marriage counseling for which a fee is charged.

When looking for a marriage counseling center, you can ask relatives and friends who have already had experience. Or you can talk to your family doctor. If you don't want to talk openly about the topic, you will find something on the Internet. However, the offer of partnership counseling is very extensive and confusing.

Some Advice centers work together with the church or family help. The good networking with other experts can be very useful if you want to change to a professional therapist later on.

How does marriage counseling work?

Depending on the situation, marriage counseling can take place with both partners, or only with one. During joint counseling, the counselor gets to know both of you. Here you can try out the tips directly.

On some topics, the people concerned feel inhibited. They want to talk to the counselor individually first. A typical taboo topic is sex, another is the desire for a Separation. Then additional individual sessions can be arranged.

Some people are afraid to talk about their spiritual life and their marriage. In such a case, only one partner goes to marriage counseling. But it makes more sense to Involvement of both partners into the sessions. Depending on how the counseling goes, the second partner joins at a later time.

Getting to the bottom of things

In marriage counseling, various topics and issues come up. This is important in order to identify and solve the problems. Among other things, the counselor wants to know how happy you are in your marriage. How much do you really care for each other? Do you take into account the Needs of the other?

At first, these direct questions can be scary. But it's worth getting to the bottom of things. In this way, you become aware of your problems and find good, joint solutions. In the worst case, you will realize that the relationship is at an end - but a fair separation is better than the notorious horror without end.

How much does marriage counseling cost?

The cost of marriage counseling can vary widely. A couples therapist may charge his Prices freely determine. When comparing prices, you should check whether a single session lasts 60 or 90 minutes. On average, the therapist charges 80 to 150 euros per session. An initial consultation costs up to 70 euros. For 15 hours of counseling, the costs add up to 1,200 to over 2,000 euros.

Online marriage counseling is significantly cheaper, but even here there are large price differences. Here, the counseling sessions usually take place via video conference. Among providers, the weekly rate is 100 or 130 euros, for example.

Combine vacation with couple counseling

Maybe you would like to take your marriage counseling on vacation? Away from the daily grind, you'll have plenty of time for yourself - and to relax. A week's vacation in Mallorca with couples counseling, for example, costs 1,500 euros.

If you have little money and still want help, free marriage counseling is also possible. These are available at church and charitable institutions. In some cases, these counseling centers charge a small fee. The cheap or free counseling is usually limited to ten sessions.

No inhibitions before marriage counseling

The Divorce rate in Germany has fallen continuously since 2012, with only a slight increase in 2019. However, there are still over 140,000 divorces a year. Do partners give up too soon? Maybe your relationship still has a chance: talk to each other and go to marriage counseling.

It is not always easy to find a happy Relationship to lead. Therefore, you should be open and also address unpleasant topics. Approach each other - and get help with marriage counseling. This will help you to see the situation from a different perspective and to develop understanding for your partner.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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