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Saving marriage: 10 tips to keep your relationship from going off the rails

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Saving marriage: 10 tips to keep your relationship from going off the rails

"Will you love and honor each other until death do you part?" "Sure!" was your immediate response back then, but today you have to think a little longer. Your marriage is simply not what it used to be. This is quite normal, after all, you are evolving and your circumstances are changing. The question is, however, in which direction this development is moving. Or will you still be able to save the marriage?

Saving marriage: How to tell if you should give your marriage another chance

In every marriage and also Relationship the daily grind creeps in at some point, that's quite normal. But if you get lost in this rut, you'll quickly overlook the points you should be working on and miss the time for a final rescue mission. That's why we've put together a few criteria for you to recognize if you should intervene.

Quarrels are the order of the day with you

Sure, you argue from time to time, after all, not everyone always has the same opinion. But have you ever gotten to the point where the most trivial disagreements get completely out of hand and you don't talk to each other for days on end about everyday things? Are you almost permanently irritated? Are you already annoyed when the other person comes home, because you know that there will be another discussion in a moment? Then something is clearly wrong.

Save marriage: You always talk past each other

Communication is the be-all and end-all in any interpersonal relationship - especially in marriage. The most common reason for marital problems are actually lack of conversation. You have been together for a long time and assume that the other person knows exactly what you mean, even though you don't say it exactly that way. To a certain extent, this may work - but no one can read minds.

You know that, too, but you still expect it from the other person. And the next quarrel is just around the corner, which you could have avoided if you had simply talked to each other. But if you no longer feel the need to keep in touch with each other, it will be difficult. And then, at the latest, you should realize that you have to do something to save your marriage.

You lie to each other all the time to avoid conflict

Lies never mean anything good, that goes without saying. What is meant here is not that you tell each other stories to cover up breaches of trust. Rather, it is about concealing everyday things or presenting them differently than they are in order to avoid conflicts.

Maybe you know this. You want to go out with your friends, but you know your partner doesn't like it. So you tell him/her that you will just stay at home. But then it becomes problematic when you are seen by his/her friends and they tell him/her about it. And so you get entangled in even more lies, which would not be necessary if you had told him/her the truth from the beginning. honest would have been.

Your spouse will eventually no longer trust you because of this behavior. And with that, an important cornerstone for your marriage falls away. At the latest then measures to save your marriage are needed.

You have also estranged yourselves physically

At the beginning of a relationship, the physical often plays a much bigger role than it is later the case. This is quite normal, because at some point everyday life returns and sometimes life is just so stressful that you simply don't feel like it - all perfectly okay. But if you intentionally come home later, work overtime, or meet up with friends instead of spending time with your spouse, you should seriously ask yourself why.

Save marriage after affair

5 good reasons to save marriage!

A few little problems are no reason to throw your marriage completely overboard. There are enough reasons to save it!

1. you still love each other

Love comes first. Why should you get divorced if you still love each other? Sure, sometimes things just don't go so well.

You are quickly annoyed by the other and just want to have your peace. There are phases like that, and there's nothing wrong with them. If you love each other anyway and are simply in a low point, then your marriage can still be saved!

2. saving marriage: You give each other security

No one makes you feel more secure than your own family and spouse. Does that also apply to you? Then hops and malt are far from lost. If you still feel safe and secure with the other person, the stars are very good that you will be happy for a long time to come if you continue to care for each other.

3. you have common life goals

You've been through a lot together in your marriage, both positive and negative. That has welded you together enormously. But what also welds you together is shared Life goals.

Do you still see yourselves side by side in the future? This shows that you have not yet moved away from each other, and this is an important basis for saving your marriage. Your look into the future gives you a good reason to work on your togetherness and get everything back on track.

4. you know and love your quirks

The little quirks of your partner, which you considered quite likeable and endearing at the beginning, may annoy you at some point. But that's no reason to throw in the towel right away. You already knew your partner's rough edges beforehand. Why are you suddenly so bothered by them that you can hardly stand it anymore? What triggers you about this behavior? Everything that affects you also affects you. So: Which characteristic is behind it that you deeply dislike? And why? Who was perhaps always similar to you in childhood? Bring clarity into this topic.

5. saving marriage: You have children

Of course, your children should not be the sole reason you maintain your marriage. Nevertheless, they form an important bond between you and your spouse that is worth fighting for. Couples with children are often much more interested in saving their marriage than couples without children. If there are still basics, some couples still simply lack the drive to work on themselves. For parents, this drive is, among other things, the offspring.

how can i save my marriage

What is the cause of marital problems?

Every marriage is different, which is why there are countless reasons why problems can occur. Nevertheless, there are a few that occur quite often, but are actually avoidable. We'll show you what they are now.

Poor communication and willingness to compromise

Not only marital problems, but conflicts in general come about incredibly often because communication fails. And without communication, you can't find compromises when opposing opinions clash.

Of course, not everyone is a communicative person. It's also not at all about you talking non-stop and sharing every little thought with each other, when you're just not persons of big words. 

But disagreements are there to be resolved, and words are the only way to do that. They are an incredibly important medium for sharing thoughts and feelings. It becomes especially problematic when the two of you, or one of you, just doesn't feel the need to communicate with the other at all.

Jealousy

A certain degree of Jealousy is present in numerous relationships. This often has nothing at all to do with a lack of trust in one's own partner, but rather with one's own Uncertainty. But if the jealousy becomes pathological, it poses a big problem for every marriage. If arguments break out again and again and one false insinuation follows the next, one quickly wonders whether the marriage still has any meaning.

If you can no longer take a step without being reproached afterwards, even though you have done nothing wrong, no one can blame you for your doubts. But if the jealousy has its reasons, because e.g. a Side jump is in the room, you must seriously ask yourselves whether you can ever rebuild mutual trust. Your marriage may depend on it.

Different basic views

Every person develops over the years. Of course, this also happens in marriage. But if completely new basic intentions arise in the process, it becomes difficult. Above all, the topics of family planning, finances and order are points where friction arises particularly quickly.

If the desire to have children is opposed to the lack of a family, if the thrifty are opposed to the desire to buy, or if the tidiness fanatic is opposed to the untidiness in person, it will be difficult. In order for you to be truly happy together for the rest of your lives, certain basic views must coincide. If this is not the case, you will one day reproach your partner for having held back for years, or vice versa.

Clinging vs. love of freedom

One person wants to know about the other's every move and spend every minute with the other. The other person, on the other hand, needs some space and a few moments to themselves. Is it the same in your marriage? Then two extremes meet, which are difficult to reconcile. Both of you need to have a lot of understanding here.

While one is annoyed by the clinging, the other feels rejected. Frustration arises, that's clear. If you simply can't find a common denominator in this respect and every day consists of arguments, you are standing in the way of your own happiness.

You have grown apart

There doesn't always have to be a good reason why a marriage is about to end. Sometimes you simply drift apart and are only out of Habit together. You have simply fallen out of love.

The question then is: Do you even notice this and do you admit it to yourselves at some point? Do you still stay together out of habit, even if there is no more love? Or do you give each other the chance to find new happiness and fall in love again?

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How long is marriage saving worth it?

Therapists often recommend a time limit of six months to married couples who are in a serious crisis. If they don't manage to find their way back to happiness within that time, the likelihood of it happening after that keeps decreasing. Basically, however, it's not the "how long" that counts, but the "how."

If you make an effort, know exactly what you have in the other person and simply don't want to give up, that is worth much more than any amount of time. The same is true the other way around. If you realize after just a few weeks that it's just not working out anymore, then of course you don't have to wait six months until you decide on a Separation decides

Saving marriage: When is it too late?

If both of you have simply given up and have no desire at all to work on your relationship, saving your marriage becomes an incredibly difficult task. The same is true if neither of you is willing to change anything about yourselves. You must be open to compromise and listen to each other. Only then can you move towards each other again. If this is not the case, then saving the marriage will be difficult.

Your relationship is also about to end if it is toxic. You are simply not doing each other any good and are sucking each other dry. You know that, too. A happy, shared future is rarely seen in such cases. As soon as physical or psychological violence comes into play, it goes without saying that a separation is the right way to go.

How do I avoid divorce?

You avoid a divorce by putting in the work. You won't get back together on your own. Our 10 tips will help you strengthen your bond again.

How to avoid divorce: 10 tips to save your marriage

  1. Take action before it's too late and don't wait until your ribbon is completely cut.
  2. Accept that disagreements are part of any interpersonal relationship and don't have to mean the end.
  3. Accept that you are different in some respects.
  4. Work hand in hand on your marriage.
  5. Reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome together and all the experiences that bonded you.
  6. Take more time for each other to rekindle your love.
  7. Listen to each other and take each other's words seriously.
  8. Be open to finding compromises and be willing to make a change so that you can succeed in saving your marriage.
  9. Try to break out of the daily grind and focus more on your togetherness.
  10. Listen deep within and let your heart guide you, not wounded pride.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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