The most common reasons of a marriage crisis and how you can overcome them

Reading time 8 minutes
The most common reasons of a marriage crisis and how you can overcome them

Differences happen in every marriage. This is perfectly normal; after all, two people can never agree on everything. However, in a serious marital crisis, the disagreements go far beyond the normal level.

In the following article, you will learn what the causes of such a crisis can be, what measures you can take to overcome the marriage crisis and in which cases separation is the most reasonable option.

The most common signs of marital crisis

You may have the feeling that the mood between you and your partner is tense, without being able to find a concrete explanation for it. Many marital crises develop gradually before they escalate. Are you experiencing a marriage crisis? The following signs may indicate it:

1. no joint activities

Can't you remember the last time you did something together with your partner? Do you include him or her in your leisure time planning at all? Or does your partner always do something alone without asking you if you want to come along? This could indicate a (beginning) marital crisis.

In principle, it is important and right to focus temporarily on one's own Needs to focus on each other. But if you don't find each other at all outside of the daily living routine, you should think about what the reason could be.

2. decreasing interest in the partner

Is the question how your partner's day has been, meanwhile only a polite phrase for you? Are you no longer interested in his dreams and desires? Or is it the other way around that you no longer feel seen? If the interest in the person decreases, the alarm bells should ring.

3. marital crisis due to lack of intimacy

Especially in a long-term partnership, other Values more important than passionate sex. Nevertheless, a certain amount of intimacy is part of a partnership for most people. If tenderness is completely absent, this is never a good sign. If one partner no longer feels sexually attracted to the other, this can be a cause or side effect of a marriage crisis.

4. constant disputes

Arguing is perfectly normal in a marriage. If you regularly engage in constructive discussions with your partner, you can even improve the harmony in your partnership.

However, a common sign of a marital crisis is criticizing your partner for trivial things. Are you already annoyed by a crushed toothpaste tube or chewing noises while eating? Then you are most likely in a marriage crisis.

5. separation fantasies

Do you find that your partner doesn't even show up in your plans for the future? Do you sometimes think that a Separation could be tantamount to liberation? Or does your partner have plans for the future that are incompatible with your marriage? Separation fantasies are often the beginning of the end, unless countermeasures are taken in time.

Basically: The sooner you recognize that you are in a marital crisis, the better the chances are that you will reconcile. Closing your eyes to an existing marital problem is therefore absolutely counterproductive.

marital problems

5 tips to avoid a marriage crisis

We have already familiarized you with the signs of a possible marriage crisis. Ideally, however, you should not let it get that far in the first place. Of course, it is almost impossible to avoid every crisis. However, by addressing the most common causes of marital crises, you can still take preventive action.

1. be faithful to each other

The Side jump is the classic among the causes of a marriage crisis. Temptations are human. However, if you give in to them, it is a sign that something is missing in your marriage. Therefore, it is important not to exclude romance and sexuality even in long-term marriages. Maybe it's time for a little change?

2. talk together about your wishes for the future

Another common reason for a marital crisis is differing plans for the future. If the ideas are far apart, a crisis is practically pre-programmed. So talk regularly about planning for the future in all areas of life (career, family, place of residence). Are your ideas in line?

The sooner compromises are found, the better. Once a dispute has arisen, both parties are usually less willing to compromise.

3. managing change together

Changes do not necessarily have to be negative in nature to trigger a marital crisis. Also positive changes sometimes give the decisive factor. This can be the birth of a child, for example. If suddenly nothing is the way it used to be, you as a married couple have to find your way to each other again. Some couples fail in this challenge.

The most important basic rule is: Don't put pressure on each other! After a big change, it takes a while until you have found a new rhythm. It's best to think in advance about what the upcoming changes might look like and how you want to deal with them.

4. marriage crisis: mutual consideration and appreciation.

Even after many years of marriage, spouses want to be valued by each other. Appreciation in this case has nothing to do with expensive gifts or elaborate gestures. Rather, it's about being there for each other in a human way. Pay attention to each other and listen. Be considerate of each other in everyday life and do not disappoint the trust of the other.

5. nurture your partnership

When you ask married couples why they got divorced, you often get the following answer: "We just grew apart." The whole of life is a development and Learning process. For this reason, it may well happen that a formerly intact Relationship suddenly no longer works because one or both partners have changed.

This development can hardly be prevented, nor would it make sense to do so. Nevertheless: A partnership must be maintained! Do not stop caring for each other once you are married. Take an active part in the wishes and needs of the other.

Is a marital crisis really grounds for separation and divorce?

Whether a marital crisis is a reason for divorce depends, of course, on the individual case. If a committed breach of trust has been too serious or if both spouses have developed in completely different directions, a separation is sometimes the best solution.

However, this by no means means that every marital crisis has to end up with a divorce lawyer. On the contrary, if the problems are dealt with constructively together, you can even emerge stronger as a couple. Surely you know the old adage that every Crisis an opportunity inherent. This is quite true. By analyzing your problems and working on them, you can improve the quality of your marriage.

Furthermore, it is important to consider marriage as a promise. You do not break it just because difficulties arise. When you said "I do" to each other, you made a promise to be there for each other even in bad times. This perspective can motivate you to go through the marriage crisis together instead of giving up hastily.

10 steps to overcome a marriage crisis

Most marital crises can be overcome, provided that both partners are willing and committed to do so. The goal is to re-establish a stable and trusting basis. The following ten tips can help you achieve this:

1. forgive your mistakes

Forgiveness is the first step to overcoming a marriage crisis. Unfortunately, if this is not possible, there is hardly any Hope. Forgiving does not mean absolving the other person for his or her mistakes (e.g., a fling). Rather, it is about clearing up one's own issues and reflecting on why the partner triggers one with his or her behavior. Which Fears What beliefs or beliefs in you does the other person tickle awake in you? And who may have behaved in this way towards you in your childhood? If you want to start something new, you first have to clear out the old.

2. give yourselves time

To forgive and approach each other anew is not a sprint, but a marathon. This process can take several months, sometimes even a few years. Small setbacks are part of it. Do not let this discourage you. If you are both willing to fight for your marriage, it will be worth the effort.

3. conducts dialogues

This recommendation is based on the findings of the well-known German psychotherapist Michael Lukas Möller. A dialog is a profound exchange of ideas that revolves solely around the emotional world. Organizational topics have no place here.

Reserve a fixed date per week and take at least one hour. By the way, interruptions and comments are forbidden during a dialogue. Everyone has the right to talk while the other person just listens.

4. respectful dispute culture

It will not be possible to avoid disputes in the future. The decisive factor is how you argue. No matter how angry you are with each other, insults and belittling are absolutely taboo! The same applies, of course, to fisticuffs. It's better to leave the situation and take a short walk in the fresh air before you say something you'll regret afterwards.

5. quality time helps against marriage crisis

We've already mentioned it briefly: most couples live side by side in everyday life, which can lead to estrangement in the worst case. To avoid this, you should regularly reserve quality time for each other. Of course, it's up to you how you want to spend this time. How about an excursion or a romantic dinner?

6. get to know each other anew

Remember the butterflies in your stomach you felt when you first started dating your current spouse? That feeling can be revived. Imagine that you are just getting to know your partner. Ask him questions that you think you already know the answer to. You will be surprised how often new facets can be discovered.

7. respect your autonomy

Even if you are married, each of you remains an independent person with your own wishes, dreams and interests. Give each other space. You don't have to spend 24 hours a day together. Excessive Jealousybecause your partner is doing something on their own only exacerbates the marital crisis.

8. forging future dreams together

Do you actually know what your partner's dreams for the future are? Or do you tacitly assume that you have the same goals? It's worthwhile to stay in touch with each other. You may be able to inspire each other with your dreams for the future and realize them together.

9. couple therapy

If the marriage crisis comes to a head, seeking professional help is sometimes the only way to avoid separation. A couples therapist can mediate neutrally between the parties and point out new ways of solving the problem. It is important that both partners engage in the therapy.

10. the last step in a marriage crisis: the separation

Not every marital crisis can be overcome. If the suffering becomes too great for one or both partners, you should think about separating. Think about what your life could be like without your partner. Do you feel relief as well as sadness? Then separation is the right way.


A marriage crisis does not necessarily have to lead to separation. Provided both partners are willing to work for their relationship to fightthe chances are good in most cases. Ideally, however, you don't let it get that far in the first place. In our free webinar on the topic "The 5 Biggest & Often Unnoticed Relationship Mistakes." you learn how to prevent crises in the best possible way. Solution strategies are also included, of course.

The webinar is suitable for both couples and singles who do not want to repeat past relationship mistakes. Register today and benefit from the expertise of our relationship experts.


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