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Aromantic - with this quality you are not abnormal

Reading time 5 minutes
Aromantic - with this quality you are not abnormal

When others talk about being in love, you can't relate. Are you just not romantically inclined? Maybe you really do feel like an aromantic sometimes. But what is aromantic anyway? Does it mean that you emotionally cold are? Does it go away on its own - are you even normal?

Don't panic: Just because you may not be a total romantic doesn't mean you have to be a callous type. Here's some information on the subject.

What does "aromatic" mean?

If you can't do much with the well-known romantic stories, you often feel out of place. Here you'll get a few answers to the typical Aromatics questions.

Aromanticism is a certain emotional orientation. Aromantic people deviate from social expectations because they have no particular interest in love relationships or romantic expressions.

Palpitations, blushes, displays of love on a special anniversary or Valentine's Day - they all get on your nerves rather than admire them. And yet, sometimes you wish you were in love, too. Have you just not met the right partner yet or are you possibly aromantic?

How do you know you are aromantic? The 5 characteristics of aromantic

Am I aromantic or is it just a phase? You can find out with a test - or with the help of the following characteristics:

  1. You've never really been in love, or you're not even sure you've been in love once.
  2. Romantic relationships trigger an escape reflex or discomfort in you.
  3. You don't feel touched by love movies and romantic songs.
  4. The idea of being in a romantic relationship is difficult for you.
  5. You feel romance is encroaching - whether it's at weddings, Valentine's Day, or even holidays like Christmas.

Aromantic vs. Asexual: Clarifying the Differences

Do you have the feeling, asexual or aromantic to be? If you know the meaning of aromatic, you know what the difference is.

Aromantic orientation has nothing to do with sex. Some aromantic people are also asexual, but this does not have to be.

Those who are asexual have no desire for sexual activity. But asexual people can certainly be romantic. Aromanticism refers purely to emotional orientation, while asexuality is related to physical desire.

I am aromatic

Aromantic and still a relationship?

Some aromantic people refuse a partnership, while others have relationships. Such an aromantic relationship often has something friendly about it. In some cases, the intimacy comes across as romantic by traditional standards.

Romantic identification is not always clear. Those who are aromantic can still feel love. Thus, some aromantic people feel a certain romantic attraction and fall in love, even if they do not seem particularly in love to outsiders.

Those who feel comfortable in their basic aromantic attitude appear confidently as singles and do not want to change anything. In a partnership, it can be a queerplatonic relationship: This term applies to self-defined relationships. This can be a non-amorous relationship or a self-selected family.

Aromanticism in a romanticized world

If you are aromantic, you don't feel butterflies in your stomach and see being in love as being overly emotional. All romantic thoughts and feelings are foreign to you. A happy couple, a love movie - all this means nothing to you.

Perhaps your friends call you cold-hearted, cynical or defiant. However, these explanations are wrong: you do not go against the social norms, but you have your very own own orientation. No one can blame you for not fitting into the normal picture.

Loving gifts and other romantic gestures are usually based on social traditions. Therefore, those who see through the tricks do not have to be aromantic.

Real aromantic people can actually do little with romantic expressions of emotion. But there are also "semi-romantic" and "gray-romantic" people. The "semi-romantic" can enter into a relationship from a previous connection, while "gray-romantic" people engage in a partnership under certain circumstances.

Building a healthy relationship with yourself: 8 tips for aromantic people

People who are aromantic often feel left out. They simply do not have the desire for a romantic relationship. Nevertheless, they can be receptive to certain feelings. Those who acknowledge their own aromantic orientation strengthen themselves - and feel better equipped when Funny questions come.

  1. It helps to look closely at the desire for normality. If you feel driven by social constraints to show romantic feelings, you drive yourself crazy. It is better to recognize your own limits. That's how you find out what kind of relationship suits you/you.
  2. Don't take "normal society" as a model. There are so many types of relationships. A queerplatonic partnership gives you the opportunity to determine your own life. And this is independent of whether it is about feelings or sexual activities.
  3. If you have a partner, talk about your desires together. How important are intimacy, exclusivity and sex for you?
  4. Open communication not only improves your relationship skills. You should also be honest about your preferences in the queer community, with your friends, and with your family.
  5. Listen to what other people are saying - very few feel "normal." Don't let them influence you too much, but give them a chance to talk about their own emotions and problems. Those who react strangely and dismissively at first may want to apologize later.
  6. If your partner panics because you come out as aromantic, give him time. Maybe he wants to hold on to the relationship, maybe he wants a change. It's best to talk about your mutual expectations.
  7. Maybe you think you're aromantic and still fall in love at some point. What now? Allow your feelings and stay open to love. Your orientation may have changed.
  8. Whether you're romantically inclined or aromantic, accept other people's attitudes. Be considerate of the different inclinations - and don't confuse them with opinions. Typical for aromantic people: In their relationships, communication is very open.

Support for aromantic friends and family: How to show understanding

You yourself are "normal romantic" and believe that your partner, a friend or a family member is aromantic? First of all, you should not be prejudiced and avoid the topic, because aromantic people also have feelings.

Keep an open mind about the typical problems: Those affected often feel rejected because they believe they are "different". This thought can unhappy make. The realization that there are many aromantic people can therefore be a relief.

Offer your help to people who feel insecure about their aromantic orientation. An open ear, the reference to forums and communities - you show that the other person is important to you.

Conclusion: A world that embraces romantic diversity

Are you a stranger to romantic moments? Or are you afraid that your partner is aromantic? If you want to get to know yourself better, we recommend the Relationship test from Greator. Whether you're a soulful, harmony-oriented romantic or a structured type who seems off-putting to others, get a picture of yourself. This will help you stay relaxed and open. Don't let yourself be determined by the supposedly all-knowing society, but stand by your feelings (and non-feelings). This will strengthen your self-confidence and help you find the right path.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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