"The tsunami of transformation is blowing ever more powerfully through marriages and partnerships, through women and men, sweeping away what has love on it but has no love in it. Robert Betz is an expert on transformation, partnership and personal development. He is one of Germany's top speakers and has his very own theory as to why more and more relationships are breaking up today. You can look forward to his tips for heartbreak.
He says: "The normal relationship or marriage, based on unquestioned norms, illusions and deceptions, is leading more and more people to disappointment more and more quickly, as everyone can see from the shorter durability of partnerships. After women earn their own money and marriages are no longer held together by dependence on the breadwinner or even protector-man or by many children, the longing for real happiness leads to the collapse of the rotten relationship".
5 tips against lovesickness
The sad fact is that relationships end faster today and marriages are divorced much more often than they were a few years ago. However, this article is not about the reasons for separation, but about the pain of separation - more precisely, how to overcome it and find your way back to life after the separation. What should one do when one's own relationship resembles a shambles and the heartache is getting worse and worse? How can one learn to let go of the shared past? And which tips against lovesickness really help? We have collected five practical tips for broken hearts and tell you how to overcome the pain.
1. terminate the contact
The first step is the most difficult. But if you want to process the separation from your ex-partner as well as possible, you should stop all communication with him. End the contact and do not try to find out what he is doing or how he feels through mutual friends and acquaintances. Every attempt at contact contains the faint hope that he might change his mind and you might get together again.
Your ex-partner didn't end the relationship, you did? Again, you should avoid contact for the time being out of respect. The person who is confronted with a completed offence is usually hit harder. Therefore, there is no point in breaking up but keeping in touch. And what was that again with the topic "stay friends"? In principle, this is possible, but in many cases it is rather difficult. Because a broken heart cannot simply switch from "love relationship" mode to friendship mode. Instead, let grass grow over the matter and avoid direct and indirect contact with your ex-partner. This may be a drastic step, but it will help you to get to know yourself anew and soon be able to stand with both feet firmly on the ground again.
2. in case of lovesickness: let the pain out
Unrequited love and a broken heart are painful. So you should give yourself time to heal the wound in your own way. Let your feelings out. Cry if you feel like it. Eat whatever you feel like. And allow yourself some time out so that your body and mind can understand and cope with the loss. At the same time, it is also important not to get too involved in the pain. Let it out, but return to life stronger afterwards!
3. do not sink into self-pity
And this brings us to the third point: It is not uncommon for the abandoned person to feel like a victim and sink into self-pity. However, you should avoid this at all costs in order not to fundamentally destroy your self-esteem. Just because your ex-partner and you will not continue your life together, does not mean that you are not worthy of being loved. A separation can have infinitely many reasons. It only means that a new chapter is about to begin. Let out your heartache pain, but do not sink into grief! Try to accept the separation. Because acceptance is the most effective way to get new courage soon.
4. dare a new beginning
Now it is time to start from scratch. Be aware that the separation also brings positive qualities for you and that you are ready to start over. People are adaptable and you too can adapt to the new situation and get the best out of it. Do not lose yourself in heartache. Do not give up, but fight your way back to life! Take as much time as you need. Some people get over their heartache after a few days, others need months. Proceed at your own pace and trust your inner voice.
5. reflect on your ex-relationship
As soon as the lovesickness subsides, you should rationally reflect on your ex-relationship again: Why didn't it work? What did you learn about yourself? What could you do differently or better in your next relationship? Every breakup offers a chance to learn. Recognize which mistakes you do not want to make again and make peace with yourself. Take these insights into your new relationship. And who knows, maybe your next relationship will last the rest of your life this way. We wish you that from our heart.