Just banging the table, standing up for your own opinion and showing everyone that it's worth trusting in your decisions - that doesn't sound like you at all? Then you definitely need some coaching in assertiveness. And that's where we'll help you! But before we give you valuable tips on how you can learn to be more assertive, we'll first clarify what that actually means. Together, we'll find out what your current assertiveness situation is like.
The term "assertiveness" describes the ability to present your own opinion confidently and to defend it against critical voices. This requires a great deal of self-confidence, but also a certain amount of willingness to compromise.
How do these two things fit together, you ask yourself now? No one succeeds in implementing their own ideas 100 % every single time. Sometimes you have to approach each other a bit and find a middle ground that everyone involved agrees with. And finding this middle ground still shows much more assertiveness than completely giving up one's own opinion as soon as opposition comes.
To answer this question, we have put together a few criteria for you. The more of them apply to you, the better your current assertiveness is. You ...
You could only answer a few questions with "yes"? Don't worry, that's not bad at all. We'll help you increase your assertiveness and soon you'll be able to answer them all in the affirmative!
Even with small changes in your everyday life, you will be able to work on your assertiveness. Little by little, you will establish a behavior that will help you to confidently stand up for your ideas and your convictions.
As soon as something is to be changed, no matter what, an analysis of the actual state comes first. Observe your behavior very closely. In which situations would you have liked to be more self-confident? When would you have liked to stand up for your opinion more clearly? What behavior do you regret?
Feedback from outside is also very important at this point. Ask your family, your friends and also your colleagues for their assessment. What do they think are your strengths and weaknesses? How do they assess your behavior in certain situations?
With all this information, you will be able to find out where there is still room for improvement and to what extent you should work on them.
We speak not only with words, but also with our facial expressions, our gestures, in fact with our whole body. This is also referred to as nonverbal communication. This has a considerable influence on how your spoken words are received by the people around you. No matter how well prepared your presentation is - if your manner of speaking is not expressive enough, it will not be successful.
Stand up straight, maintain eye contact with those around you, and speak loudly and clearly. All of this demonstrates self-confidence, and not just to the outside world. This appearance will also give you a good dose of self-confidence.
Maybe you know this from school: You actually have some great information to contribute to the topic, but you just don't dare to speak up. You're not sure whether you've really listened properly and whether your contribution would be appropriate or not. And you doubt whether the others would be interested at all.
You can be sure that your contribution is really appropriate and valuable if you listen attentively throughout the entire conversation. This also gives your conversation partners a good feeling, because they sense that you are really interested in what they have to say. In this way, they will also accept you as an equal partner in the conversation.
Now it's up to you to jump over your shadow and take the initiative. Get more involved! It's best to start with topics that you really feel confident about. In this way, you will feel your way closer and closer and you will see that you will gather more and more courage and that it will suddenly hardly cost you any effort to actively participate in discussions.
Assertiveness is not about banging on your own opinion at all costs. Open communication and openness to compromise are also very important elements. So ask questions and make sure that the people you're talking to really follow what you're saying and have their own opinions. Ask them what they think of your presentation, if they don't agree with you, or if they would propose the same solution. Questions of this kind convey a high degree of self-confidence, which in turn increases your assertiveness.
Many people find it difficult to refuse when they are asked for something. You can also never say no when someone asks for your support? That honors you, no question. Still, it's important that you set boundaries at a certain point. If you show yourself to be too good-natured, this can be exploited at some point. And this is often the source of dwindling self-confidence - and thus also of low assertiveness.
If you honestly don't have time to help at all, then say so openly and honestly. No one will tear your head off for that. If you feel that someone is trying to take advantage of you, speak up. In all these situations, always remain polite and professional. Those around you will not hold it against you if you say no. They will even appreciate your help more. They will appreciate your help even more, because they know that not everyone gets it right away.
