You've tripped - an appointment slipped through your fingers - your trouser seam has torn? In such situations, you feel extreme shame. Whether you fail to meet your own or others' expectations or feel particularly clumsy, such scenes are annoying. But what does shame actually mean and how can you overcome these negative emotions?
Shame is an unpleasant feeling, a kind of embarrassment, associated with the desire to undo something.
What is shame and why does it make you so vulnerable? You're embarrassed - maybe you're plagued by other people's shame. The discomfort usually comes from exposure. It's as if someone is invading your privacy.
Inappropriate behavior, mistakes and personal attitude can be the cause of your feelings of shame. In most cases, this is accompanied by a fearful attitude: You fear that those around you will react negatively, for example with ridicule, disgust or hate comments. And you believe that others are in the right. If you feel ashamed, you devalue yourself and your behavior.
People who often feel ashamed often have low self-esteem. No wonder, because feelings of shame are often accompanied by fears of failure. So you may end up in the typical victim role: You believe that you are not beautiful or smart enough.
The shame affects your self-esteem. You are so far away from your ideals - that alone awakens your shame. In these moments you forget that ideals are only dream images. You only think about the fact that you are not as successful or attractive as you would like to be.
Too much shame usually leads to further problems. Typical consequences are:
Feelings of shame are often related to a kind of escape reflex. In unpleasant situations, you would prefer to sink into the ground to escape the stress. If many other people witness the shameful scene, your shame is especially great.
But where exactly does the feeling of shame come from? Maybe you feel you've made a mistake or have a sore spot. You think you can't let yourself be seen anymore. Simply ridiculous, your behavior - you just want to disappear. The problem is that you judge yourself for your weakness. You can't imagine that your self-criticism is much worse than the look of others. There's nothing you can do about it - you'll surely be ridiculed and mobbed for it.
In fact, shame is an important element in society. It connects people and affects social relationships. Those who act shamelessly encounter significantly less understanding and compassion.
Why do some people have no sense of shame? Often it has to do with their position of power. Ruthlessness is often accompanied by a callous nature. Such alpha animals prey on weaker people and reject reproach. They cling to rational, often contrived explanations. Typically, shameless (or impudent) people have a distorted worldview. Depending on the degree, they may even have a personality disorder.
What to do about shame? How can you get away from your negative self-image and redefine yourself? With a Coaching for more self-confidence you gain strength and security.
You recognize your own feelings of shame by the fact that you feel hot. You start to stutter and notice how you blush. Inner self-reproaches torment you. You look down and squirm with embarrassment. Sometimes you see these Signs for shame in other people as well.
How can you overcome the unpleasant side effects? To do this, you must first Get rid of shame.
Positive Beliefs and a different perspective will help you to free yourself from shame. Don't make yourself smaller than you are, but own up to your weaknesses. Don't shy away from difficult situations, but practise a relaxed attitude. It may take a while to overcome the shame you have trained yourself to feel, but you will feel much better with an optimistic attitude. However, this requires you to leave your comfort zone.
Having shame is human and can hardly be avoided. But how do you deal with it? The following Tips for dealing with shame help you out of embarrassment and negative feelings.
Sometimes it is difficult to overcome the feelings of guilt and shame. The Greator webinar for more self-confidence gives you tools to solve the problematic situation and regain control over your thoughts.
Recognize your feelings of shame, but don't let them control you. Manage the negative emotions with mindfulness and composure. Be aware of your feelings and strengthen your positive attitude. Of course, you are not in control of your emotions all the time, but you can strengthen your self-confidence and be more relaxed about shame.
