My child doesn't listen to me: You are by no means alone in this worry. Even if not everyone talks about it openly, almost all parents experience this at times. But what could be the reasons and how do you react appropriately as parents? We would like to inform you about this in detail in the following article.
You ask your child to clean his room and you are just ignored? Or does your child constantly contradict you no matter what you ask? There can be several reasons for this:
Do you get carried away with exaggerated threats in the heat of the moment? This can be a possible reason why your child does not listen to you. Among the least effective threats are the following classics:
While you may disturb younger children with such statements, older children will quickly realize that the threats you have made cannot be carried out. This is especially true if you have repeatedly threatened to ground them for weeks or to dispose of their toys.
Attention: This is by no means to say that the above examples are appropriate educational measures! Concrete tips for suitable consequences will follow later.
"I'm really telling you now for the last time ..." Does this statement sound familiar? How many times have you asked your child to do this or that before? If you warn your child too often, he will learn that he doesn't need to listen the first time. After all, there will be other requests without consequences. So why should he hurry the first time? The child does not listen.
Tip: Warn your child no more than twice. This should be followed by an appropriate consequence.
Your child doesn't listen to you? This could be because you are leaving the adult level by engaging in power struggles with your offspring. Give a clear instruction without arguing about it. Instead, explain to your child patientlywhy he or she should do a certain task. The older your child is, the more constructive these conversations can become.
If your nerves are on edge, it is perfectly human to raise your voice. However, you should be aware that yelling at them will not achieve anything. On the contrary, children who are regularly yelled at may even develop psychological problems. Their willingness to listen to their parents also decreases.
This is clear from several scientific studies out.
If you announce consequences, you should also enforce them. Otherwise, your child will learn that he or she does not need to take you seriously. Don't give in if your child then asks to be allowed to do this or that again. As a parent, you must endure the protest, even if it wears on your nerves.
There's no question about it: a crying infant or a defiant toddler can drive parents to the brink of despair. However, you should be aware that babies and toddlers up to the age of three are not cognitively capable of consciously provoking their parents. Accordingly, it would be fatal if you interpret the behavior in question as provocation. That is not what it is!
Infants can only make themselves known by crying. They have no other means of communication. If your baby cries more frequently than average, without you being able to identify a cause, it makes sense to consult a crying clinic.
The desire for autonomy is part of healthy development in infancy. So it's perfectly normal for your toddler to say a categorical "no" to everything you want. Between the ages of two and three, "no" often becomes the little one's favorite word. The only thing that helps here is patience and loving guidance from parents. As stressful as it may be, this is a temporary phase.
Sometimes young children are simply unable to follow their parents' instructions. This is the case, for example, when they are engrossed in play. Instead of getting angry, stay calm and see how you can lovingly get through to your child. You may need to gently distract them from their current activity to keep them attentive.
The situation is different, however, with older children and adolescents. Especially during puberty, deliberate provocations are the order of the day in some families. Basically, this is a second phase of autonomy: the adolescent wants to express his or her Self-efficacy and test its competence.
It is important that you do not respond to deliberate provocations, but instead teach your child a respectful culture of argument. At best, the latter should have happened from an early age. Show your child that you take his or her concerns seriously and listen to them. Make it clear, however, that provocations do not lead to the goal. The more relaxed you remain, the better.
If the provocations occur more frequently than average, it is worth reflecting on your own argument behavior. Do you and your partner often get loud or even derogatory when you have an argument? Parents' argument behavior unconsciously rubs off on children and adolescents. You may also ask yourself why your child's behavior triggers you! Which button does he push with you, with which you possibly also still have an old topic, which you may look at now gladly!
Your child doesn't listen: This can sometimes be quite a burden. However, there are tips and tricks you can use to motivate your child to listen in an educational way.
For children to listen, adults have to be at their eye level. This is meant literally. Turn to your child with full attention when you want something from him or her. Eye contact is essential. Kneel down so that you can look your child directly in the eye. In this way, you make sure that he or she really notices you.
Avoid shouting instructions to your child from another room. They will most likely not register.
In the daily grind, many parents communicate with their children in a very negative way:
Especially for small Children these types of instructions are difficult to understand and even more difficult to implement. You have to process two kinds of information:
Young children are simply overwhelmed by this thought construct. As a result, the child doesn't listen to you. Therefore, it makes more sense to tell your child specifically what he or she should do.
Example: Instead of saying, "not so fast," say, "run slower."
Your child doesn't listen and you give him a long monologue about why this or that should be done? The likelihood that your child will tune out is quite high. Therefore, be brief and to the point when explaining something. Also, avoid complicated terms.
How often do you finish your child off with a quick no without really listening to his or her question? Certainly, there are situations that require a clear no. But if your child's requests are always met with rejection on your part, you shouldn't be surprised that he or she will eventually react just as negatively to your demands.
This by no means means that you should allow everything. But sometimes a yes really is the better answer. This way you surprise your child and make him more receptive to your requests.
Example: Your kid wants to go to the playground and you say no because you still have to do laundry. But is it really that urgent? Wouldn't it be possible to give your child this pleasure? Maybe a little exercise in the fresh air would do you good, too.
If it really isn't possible, offer an alternative: "I can't make it today, but what do you say we go to the playground tomorrow after kindergarten?"
What sounds complicated at first is actually quite simple: The teach-back method consists of your child repeating what you say word for word. This greatly improves communication and ensures that your child has really understood you.
The fact that the teach-back method works was proven in a large-scale Study proven.
This tip is especially effective with older children. If you notice that your child has not yet followed through on one of your prompts, phrase it as a statement, "I see you haven't done your homework yet. How did you schedule it?"
Surely you know it from yourself: Reproaches lead to the fact that one puts the ears proverbially on deaf ears. Your child is no different in this respect. However, if you formulate observations instead of reproaches and give your child the opportunity to explain himself, he will be much more willing to comply with his tasks voluntarily.
My child does not hear! Detach yourself from this negative belief. Instead of fretting about all the things your child doesn't do, keep your focus on all the things he or she does reliably. Show your child your Appreciationby praising it.
Those who only ever hear reprimands will eventually lose the MotivationYou should make an effort to behave well. Your child will get the impression that he or she can't do anything right for you anyway. You can avoid this development by praising regularly.
In any case, stay calm! Do not interpret your child's behavior as a personal attack. Your child is either overwhelmed or wants to test his autonomy. Both are perfectly normal.
It is important that you speak calmly and directly to your child. Bend down to him and look him in the eye. Explain calmly what you want from him. Depending on the age and situation, you can now apply one or more of the tips mentioned.
Your child doesn't listen to you? To a certain extent, this can be perfectly normal. With the tips listed above, you should see a significant improvement.
However, a lack of listening can also impair learning. This is especially true if the problem persists until school age. If this is the case, professional learning coaching can help. If you would like to find out more about this topic, then the following Professional article interesting for you.
Furthermore we would like to present you our free e-book "The 10 best tips for fun and success in learning". to the heart. Learn how you can increase your child's enthusiasm for learning and how you can support them in doing so, more efficient to learn.