Children are sometimes exhausting. They scream or shout if they don't agree with the instructions given by adults. In some situations, it is not easy to remain calm. When different Needs When children meet, conflicts arise that can escalate. Non-violent communication with children helps them to understand each other better. Instead of scolding, one's own point of view can also be conveyed constructively. The method of non-violent communication with children is based on a simple principle. In just four steps, you can make your communication more empathetic and effective.
The Concept The US psychologist and mediator Marshall Bertram Rosenberg developed a non-violent, empathic way of communicating. In his book "Nonviolent Communication with Children", the scientist describes how communication in the private and professional sphere can contribute to conflict resolution.
In contrast to violent language, which contains swear words and insults, in a non-violent communication refrain from insults. But even harmless statements can be hurtful and cause strong feelings trigger.
Good communication is friendly and benevolent. Positive words that Appreciation and affection. Instead of scolding your child, you draw their attention to their mistakes in a loving way.
Non-violent communication with children is a form of communication that helps to build respectful relationships. It focuses on the needs of all those involved. Problems, concerns and wishes should be named and considered objectively in order to find mutually agreeable solutions. Communicating non-violently and empathically promotes mutual understanding and leads to stronger bonds in the long term.
Changes in the way we communicate can make a big difference. Non-violent communication is based on four steps. These are:
By observing your child, you can sense which needs may have been neglected. Does he or she feel unhappy, not valued or lonely? Try to sense the feelings. Encourage your child to talk about how they feel in the situation. Even the youngest preschoolers can name their needs.
Talk about your feelings and what is important to you. Tell your child: It makes me sad when you don't put your toys away. I'm angry because you haven't done your homework. Explain why learning is important and that a sense of achievement is the key to success. Strengthen self-confidence.
Combine your explanations with a request. For example, say: I ask you to tidy your room before you go to bed. Avoid threats or negative consequences, such as a TV or internet ban.
The aim of non-violent communication with children is to resolve conflicts by communicating clearly and calmly. The best way to do this is by dealing with our own feelings and needs and expressing ourselves respectfully.
Non-violent communication helps children to develop a trusting relationship. Relationship build up. Stable bonds are important in order to Self-confidence to develop. Children learn to cooperate better when they are introduced to their tasks and duties in a benevolent and loving way.
These five simple and practical tips simplify communication:
At active listening pay attention to the other person's words and body language. Listen carefully to Avoid misunderstandings. Ask if you believenot having understood something correctly. Use empathic questions.
Always speak in the first person. For example, tell your child: I want you to wash your hands before eating. And explain why this is important (so that no bacteria are transmitted).
Avoid apportioning blame. Instead, name the mistakes and demand changes. Explain that too little learning leads to poor results in class work. Suggest extra study time or homework support for your child. In our Learning Coaching Masterclass you will find out how you can help your children or pupils to learn independently and with more enjoyment.
Remain understanding and patient, even if it is difficult in some situations. Understanding and Patience are important cornerstones of a non-violent, benevolent upbringing.
It is not easy to keep calm in challenging moments. Children can be provocative, get loud and behave inappropriately. Non-violent communication is an effective strategy for conflict resolution. The most common reason for misunderstandings is that needs are communicated incorrectly or not at all. With empathy you will be able to decipher your child's wishes.
Avoid judgmental language, as this is a major cause of violence. Derogatory remarks lead to children defending themselves verbally or reacting with verbal counterattacks.
Take a deep breath and choose your words carefully. Relaxation techniques such as Meditation and mindfulness exercises are helpful in controlling your reactions and adapting to non-violent communication.
Non-violent communication with children: Examples illustrate what this communication method is all about. The basic prerequisite for benevolent communication is empathy. The willingness to recognize and understand the child's motives, thoughts and feelings helps to communicate effectively.
Everyday arguments about tidying up the children's room are avoidable. Set clear rules. Keep your instructions brief and concentrate on the essentials. Thank the child for completing their tasks by praising them.
Children's tantrums are a challenge for parents. Wait until your child has calmed down again or hold them in your arms. Speak calmly and in a gentle voice. Explain exactly what you expect and why something is necessary. For example: If you walk across the carpet in sneakers, it will get dirty. It is therefore better to take your shoes off at the front door.
NVC is a practical educational method that forms part of the relationship work between adults and children. A respectful exchange with each other builds Trust and deepens the bond.
Non-violent communication makes children feel heard and loved. Language that is full of love and understanding makes it easier for children to communicate appropriately themselves. In NVC, insinuations, accusations and judgments are replaced by positive, appreciative statements. Instead of being against each other, what counts is being with each other.
The result of non-violent communication with children is fewer disputes. Conflict solutions that are worked out together strengthen the willingness to cooperate and the child's sense of responsibility. Self-esteem. If the child's emotional world is respected, it can develop a stable self-confidence.
Parents, educators and teachers have a role model function. Nevertheless, nobody is perfect. The Perfectionism is an illusion based on the desire for perfection. It is perfectly okay to be tired or annoyed from time to time. To show weaknesses and to acceptmakes us human.
Children instinctively sense when adults are not doing well. Don't let your perfection or social norms guide you. Let yourself be coached to set an example of non-violent communication, both for yourself and for others. Open yourself up to the experience of how only a Coaching can help to change your energy and your mindset - and how you can feel more and more calm and serene about many issues that once triggered you enormously. Because in Coaching For example, you will be given tools to help you deal better with challenging situations. It is the best investment in your personal development. Perhaps you've also toyed with the idea of becoming a Coach to be trained to support other people on their journey through life. Then find out more about a Coaching training.
Non-violent communication with children can be learned. With small steps, you can integrate the method and its findings into your everyday life. Soon, NVC will become an integral part of your parenting. Use helpful tools such as a diary, Journaling or reflection exercises to bring clarity to your thoughts and feelings.
Keep a record of your successes and enjoy the small steps forward. For support in stressful times, the Meditationto find inner peace. Ask your partner and/or colleagues at school and kindergarten for feedback. Listen to your children. You will quickly realize which positive changes your non-violent communication has achieved.
To delve deeper into non-violent communication with children, it is worth reading books on the subject.
You can find specialist books and children's books on this topic in bookshops and online. In addition to theoretical knowledge, most books also contain practical instructions that can be used in everyday life.
Non-violent communication with children is one of the most valuable skills you can learn as a parent. The Communication concept is a way of shaping your relationship with your child in a benevolent way and at eye level.
With patience, a little practice and the right resources, you can resolve conflicts and create the deep connection that will enrich your lives in the long term.