What is important in a relationship? This is a question many couples ask themselves. However, it is not that easy to answer. What makes a good Relationship depends primarily on the wishes and (value) perceptions of the people involved.
Even though the answer to the question of a good relationship can be very individual, there are still some important principles. We would like to familiarize you with these below.
If you ask German couples about the most important basics for a harmonious partnership, they often say Faithful, Humor and honesty mentioned. These aspects are indeed of crucial importance. However, according to research findings by the American couple psychologist John Gottman, it is Trust the elementary pillar of a good relationship.
Reading Tip: His findings, based on a 50-year analysis of couples, can be read in the following literary work, among others: "The 7 Secrets of Happy Marriage" by John M. Gottman.
But why is trust so important? The family therapist Dr. Jason Whiting, who is also known for his numerous book publications, has a clear opinion on this: trust forms the basis of open communication. Without communication, no interpersonal relationship works, which also applies to partnerships.
If you can't trust your partner, you will never open up to him or her emotionally. After all, you constantly fear being disappointed, laughed at, or betrayed. Such Fears create a barrier that prevents you from feeling close to each other. You're on guard and think carefully about what you tell your partner - and what you'd rather not.
The fact that you cannot become happy within such a relationship needs no further explanation. So, in order to have a harmonious partnership, it is important to build or strengthen your mutual trust.
It is possible that your trust in each other has been disturbed, e.g. by a lie or a Side jump. This is the most important cornerstone of a happy relationship swayed considerably.
Regaining trust once it has been lost is difficult, but by no means impossible. However, it requires the willingness as well as the commitment of both parties. In some cases, even a Couples therapy be useful.
The answer is quite clear: Yes, relationships can last a lifetime. Numerous couples celebrating their golden wedding anniversary or even their diamond wedding anniversary prove this anew every day. Certainly, one could argue at this point that these couples are from a different generation in which divorce has not yet been an option for some women.
There is no denying that such constellations exist. However, the majority of couples who stay together for life are extremely happy together. But how do they manage that? A long-term relationship requires hard work from both sides. We humans change throughout our lives. So it's a matter of constantly readjusting to your partner.
Furthermore, it is important not to lose sight of each other as a couple in everyday life alongside professional life and parenthood. Love needs to be nurtured. Take enough time for each other: This includes romance, sex and conversations.
According to a Parship study from 2006, gender differences in expectations and desires within a relationship are not that different.
The following aspects are of great importance for both women and men:
What is important in a relationship?
In the following, we would like to go into a little more detail about what women want. What is important in a relationship? If you ask a woman this question, the aspect of emotional closeness is often in the foreground. However, it is important to know that this cannot be generalized. Every person, whether man or woman, has an individual idea of a successful partnership.
However, many women want a man who can both allow their own feelings and deal with the emotions of his partner. Unfortunately, many men still have a barrier in this regard, which is due to the old, but not yet completely replaced role models. Many a man keeps his distance as soon as he is confronted with emotions.
Furthermore Appreciation and respect is a big issue for many women. They want to be appreciated humanly by their partner and also feel this. The latter does not require any special gestures or large gifts. Much more important is mutual support in everyday life and taking worries and problems seriously. Recognition of private and professional achievements is also part of this.
What is important in a relationship? If you ask a man this question, most men will name independence, respect and sexuality. Let's take a closer look at these aspects in detail:
Most men want a strong and self-confident partner who leads her own life and pursues her own interests. Nothing looks more unattractive than a helpless spider monkey who can't cope without her partner. And what about the frequently mentioned protective instinct? Here it should be said: The one does not exclude the other. Even a strong woman likes to be protected at times.
The topic of respect plays a key role for both sexes. Men also want to be respected by their partners for who they are. A woman who constantly tries to re-educate her partner is a terrible idea for most men. Recognition for their own achievements, whether professional or private, is also important to men in a relationship.
Finally, let's talk about the topic of sexuality. Physical intimacy is simply part of a happy relationship - at least for most people. Men often place even greater value on this than women. If the partner has completely different preferences, it becomes complicated for both partners. If no compromise is found, they are left with unfulfilled Needs back.
By now, we have discussed the question "What is important in a relationship?" in detail. Now it's time to give you some concrete practical tips along the way:
Surely you know the often quoted wisdom that opposites would attract. This is indeed true. A partner who is completely different from you seems exciting at first. However, for a lasting bond, you need enough things in common. If these are missing, you will eventually have nothing more to say to each other.
Once the rush of the first infatuation is over, you should focus on what you have in common: Are you on the same wavelength when it comes to your (moral) ideas and dreams for the future? Can you also talk to each other about important topics?
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it is not so easy to find time for each other as a couple on a regular basis. It is not necessary and usually not possible to be together around the clock every day. Nevertheless, you should make sure that you don't completely miss each other.
Create time slots that deliberately belong only to you as a couple. This could be a special activity every weekend, for example. In everyday life itself, there are certainly also time slots that you can use together. Even if you work different hours, one of you might be willing to get up a little earlier to have breakfast or coffee together.
In a long-term relationship, sexuality often takes a back seat. No question, priorities shift over the years. Not having sex at all is perfectly fine, as long as both parties don't miss anything. However, surveys (see above) show that most people are not comfortable with total abstinence. happy are.
Even if it sounds unromantic, sex after a date is a good option to rediscover the desire for each other. Important: Ensure a nice ambience! Once passion has been rekindled, spontaneity returns to most couples sooner or later.
When it comes to the question "What is important in a relationship?", the topic of mutual respect is at the top of the list. This applies not only in harmonious times, but especially in crisis situations. Arguments are part of every relationship. Even if you are very angry with each other, name-calling and insults are an absolute no-no.
When in doubt, it's better to take a moment to get some fresh air and clear your head before you say something you'll regret afterwards. Continue to be careful to send "I messages" when arguing. Explain from your perspective what's bothering you without placing blame.
According to John Gottman, whether a relationship is happy or not depends largely on the willingness to communicate. Listen to your partner when he or she wants to tell you something. Show interest in the topics that occupy him or her, even if you may not be able to understand everything. Of course, the same should apply vice versa.
To a certain extent, it is perfectly legitimate to show consideration for one another. This also includes showing some Habit in the presence of your partner. However, do not try to change your partner in the foundations of his or her personality. From a introvert Character, for example, will never become a party animal!
Unless you can accept each other as you are, you should thoroughly rethink your partnership.
Laughter and lightness are essential for a happy relationship of great importance. Instead of getting upset about your partner's quirks, meet them with humor. Your partner squeezes the toothpaste tube or leaves his socks lying around? This is not the end of the world. Instead, laugh about it together.
Cheating shakes the foundation of your relationship: trust. Therefore, remain faithful to each other. This is all the easier if you communicate openly with each other. Tell your partner what you want and what is missing in your relationship. This includes both emotional and sexual aspects. This way, there is less risk of either of you getting involved in an affair.
Stay in regular communication with each other: Are you both happy in your relationship? Are there personal developments that make a change necessary? Misunderstandings and conflicts should not be hushed up, but addressed openly. Otherwise, there is a danger that small things will eventually accumulate into a larger conflict.
Men in particular often have a hard time with the famous three words. You don't necessarily have to say "I love you." You can also express your feelings in other ways by being there for your partner, listening to him and supporting him. Notice what is important to the other person and take their wishes and dreams seriously.
What is important in a relationship? The more people you ask about this, the more different answers you will hear. But one thing is certain: love and trust are the cornerstones of a harmonious and happy partnership. However, for most people there is much more to it. First and foremost, respect, humor, a fulfilled sexuality, and fidelity should be mentioned here.
In our free mini-course "How to learn to have a happy relationship" we will show you exactly how to draw these values more into your life and live your relationship. You'll also learn how to create a relationship of equals, how to dissolve negative and repetitive patterns in your relationship, and how to create a happy relationship. Vision for a fulfilling partnership in the future!