Those who really love each other understand each other blindly. Wait a minute, is that really true? Science clearly says: No! Not every lover speaks the same language. What is meant here are not foreign language barriers, but the five languages of love.
Although there's no doubt that you and your partner love each other, sometimes things pop because you simply misunderstand each other? This is a classic case of mistranslation in the five languages of love. You simply express your affection for each other in different ways, but the other person just doesn't understand, because they speak a different love language.
But that doesn't have to mean the end for your Relationship mean. You can learn the five languages of love! How to do that, what these languages are all about and how you can recognize your partner's love language, you can find out here.
The basis of the five languages of love is that everyone expresses their affection for another person in different ways. The concept comes from US couples counselor Gary Chapman, who published it in his book "5 Love Languages" in 1992. In his therapeutic sessions with a wide variety of couples, he repeatedly found that lovers often did not feel valued enough or believed that their partner was not being affectionate enough with him/her.
The core problem in most cases was that their communication was full of misunderstandings and they often simply did not perceive expressions of love as such.
Perhaps you have experienced this: Your partner has hardly ever told you that he/she loves you and doubts spread through you. In truth, however, he/she loved you more than anything, but did not want to show it to you with words, but with deeds, for example. So he/she simply spoke a different love language than you, which you simply did not understand.
In his observations, Chapman identified five languages of love that couples use to express affection and appreciation. We'll take a closer look at what these are below.
You tell your partner every morning, every night before you go to bed and even in the middle of the day that you love him/her? You tell him/her what you value most about him/her and make it unmistakably clear how important he/she is to you? Then you like to hand out words of appreciation to express your love.
Whoever speaks this of the five languages of love wears the heart on the tongue and has no problems at all with expressing feelings straightforwardly. You don't have to think much about how best to put them into words. They just bubble out of you naturally. Recognition, thanks, appreciation, praise and compliments come from the bottom of your heart and are clear proof of love on your part.
Small or even big gifts that come from the bottom of your heart and are carefully thought out are another language of love. You would love to shower your partner with everything he/she desires and lay the whole world at his/her feet. Everywhere you go, you go in search of a little something for your sweetheart - whether it's your favorite candy, a flower, or your favorite dish from the fast food joint around the corner. You like to express your love with material things.
You offer your help to your partner, take over the cooking, just always want to relieve him/her and make his/her day as pleasant as possible. You communicate your love by being helpful in all situations and behave very obliging in everyday life. Since you want to support your sweetheart as much as possible, you see it as a matter of course to help him/her out. This language of love is often dismissed as politeness, but it is proof of your deep affection.
Hardly anything is more valuable than time. Do you agree? Then it is probably the greatest proof of love for you when your partner consciously takes time just for you. The smartphone is muted and the entire attention belongs only to you. You introduce joint rituals. Or pursue hobbies together, have a weekly datight just for the two of you. You might even manage to have dinner together every day. You can talk and listen to each other in peace and quiet.
Physical expressions of love are part of every relationship - in most cases at least. For some, this has a higher value than for others. Physical closeness can also be used to convey emotional closeness. For example, a kiss or simply a hug can say "I love you" much more clearly than words ever could. If you speak this language of love, you will always seek physical closeness and small touches.
In 2010, Chapman had 10,000 people take his online quiz. When he analyzed the results, he found that words of appreciation was the one of the five languages of love that most used - but the result was close. In 2018, dating app Hinge conducted an analysis of its users and came to a different conclusion. Here, time together was the most commonly used language.
A generally valid statement about which love language is the most frequently used can therefore not be made. Decisive factors include gender, Habitsvalues and culture. In Asian culture, for example, it is very rare to see partners publicly exchanging expressions of love, while in Europe it is commonplace.
To help you figure out which of the five languages of love you speak, we've put together a little catalog for you. For each love language, we've gathered some statements and you decide whether you agree or disagree with them. The language whose statements you agree with the most is your primary love language.
You may have noticed in the test that you speak more than one of the five languages of love. Yes, that is indeed possible. Mixed forms are very widespread; after all, not just one aspect is important to most people in a relationship. Nevertheless, one form often dominates, even if it only just outweighs the other.
We have already talked about this briefly: Again and again couples speak a different language of love. This often gives the impression that one partner loves more than the other. Sometimes, however, this is not true. In most cases, they simply show their affection for each other in different ways. Each feels his or her own way is the right way and the partner's way seems wrong.
Thus, each believes that the other loves him/her less, even though their expressions of love are there, just not received. It is not uncommon, for example, that one partner considers time to be particularly valuable. The other, on the other hand, tries to compensate for the lack of time with helpfulness, but this simply doesn't come across to his/her sweetheart.
Or do you like to bring your partner small gifts? You mean well, but perhaps he/she sees words of appreciation as much more important and simply can't do anything with your presents. Opposites like these always lead to misunderstandings. Only when you manage to translate your love languages will you understand that your feelings for each other are balanced.
Just like foreign languages, you can learn the five languages of love. But of course there is no dictionary for that. The rule here is: learning by doing! Actively approach your partner and ask him/her directly what makes him/her happy. In which moments does he/she feel especially loved by you? Feel free to use the questions from our test.
Words of appreciation, small attentions, support, time together and tenderness are part of every relationship. So the question is not so much what constitutes a partnership for you, but rather which point you ascribe how much importance. But your partner may see it quite differently. That's why communication is essential, so that you can learn to understand and appreciate each other's love languages.
