Frustration tolerance kids: how your child learns to deal with frustration

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Frustration tolerance kids: how your child learns to deal with frustration

As a parent, you are probably familiar with the following situation: Your child starts to whine insistently because he or she wants something. The classic is sweets at the supermarket checkout. If you deny your child his wish, a real outburst of rage follows with screaming, crying or even throwing him on the floor.

Dealing with frustration is something that children have to learn in the course of their development. However, you can support your child in this process.

Frustration tolerance children: what does it mean?

As the name suggests, frustration tolerance is the ability to endure frustrating situations.

Below are a few examples:

  • The child feels unappreciated.
  • Your offspring has experienced defeat (e.g., lost at play).
  • It does not get a wish fulfilled.
  • The child's expectations were disappointed.

Dealing with Disappointments and unfulfilled expectations is a developmental process. The older a child gets, the higher his or her frustration tolerance becomes. Consequently, a baby can withstand much less frustration than an elementary school child.

Frustration tolerance children: an important developmental step

In the course of their lives, children are confronted with various feelings - including negative ones. The regulation of these feelings plays a decisive role in the acquisition of frustration tolerance. Regulation in this context does not mean in any way emotions to suppress frustration. On the contrary, the child learns that frustration is part of every person's life at times.

In addition, the topic of "frustration tolerance children" is individual. Some children acquire this ability earlier, others later. As a parent, you should lovingly support your child in this developmental process in an age-appropriate manner.

low frustration tolerance children

5 steps to build your child's frustration tolerance

Frustration tolerance is essential for harmonious interaction. It is therefore important that your child has learned to tolerate a minimum amount of frustration by the time he or she starts school. Otherwise, problems in the social sphere can quickly arise. The following five steps can help you increase your child's frustration tolerance. Promote child.

Promoting frustration tolerance children; Step 1

The first step will be to identify the Patience of your child. He or she must learn that goals are not achieved on their own, but that you have to do something to achieve them: For example, before food is on the table, mom and dad have to shop and cook first. Before they can play, they have to tidy up their room.

In this way, your child learns that adults also have obligations that cannot be postponed. To encourage your child's patience, you can also put him off with child-friendly alternatives: "I still have to mop the bathroom, but afterwards I'll be happy to play with you. Go ahead and pick a game for us."

Promoting frustration tolerance children; Step 2

Signal to your child that you understand his frustration and that the negative feelings have a right to exist. Now it's time to find ways to deal constructively with the overflowing emotions. Instead of yelling and raging, there are other ways to channel the anger:

  • It may vent its anger on a pillow.
  • As long as you are at home or in a quiet place, the child may cry out his frustration.
  • The child may insult a rage stone or rage doll.
  • The child is allowed to unwind with physical activity.

Promoting frustration tolerance children; Step 3

Once the acute tantrum is over, you should talk to your child about the situation. Ask specific questions about this:

  • "Why were you so angry?"
  • "Why is it so hard for you to lose?"
  • "How would you feel if I reacted that way if you won?"

Depending on their age, analyzing the situation can be effective in helping your child next time to more serene remains.

Promoting frustration tolerance children; Step 4

Parents of children with low frustration tolerance often make the mistake of protecting their child from potentially frustrating situations. However, by doing so, you deprive your child of the important opportunity to learn how to deal with frustration.

Let your child try different things, even if failure is likely. Learning that not everything will work out right away is an important developmental step. Also, support your child in solving tasks and problems on his or her own. If you always give the solutions, the child will sink. Motivation and self-esteem.

Promoting frustration tolerance children; Step 5

Children should be given responsibility appropriate to their age. The positive effects on the development are in the following scientific articles best described:

Therefore, let your child take on smaller tasks such as setting the table or folding laundry. Not everything will be perfect right away. But that is not the goal. Rather, the goal is to let the child grow through his or her experiences.

8 practical tips for everyday life: How to support your child in dealing with frustration

In everyday life, there will always be situations that test your child's frustration tolerance. You can support your child with the following eight tips.

1. be a role model

Do you get angry quickly when a situation doesn't go your way? Then your child may have copied his behavior from you. Therefore, keep an eye on how you deal with frustration.

2. losing is ok

Nobody can only win all the time: This starts with board games and continues throughout life. So you're not doing your child any favors if you always let him win. At the latest when he plays with other children, the frustration will be even greater.

3. do not get involved in endless discussions

For some things, there is simply no room for negotiation. You should communicate this clearly to your child. Do not get involved in discussions, but state clearly what you want from your child.

4. all are allowed to finish

Children with a low frustration tolerance can be recognized by the fact that they constantly interrupt others. Good ways to train frustration tolerance are 15-minute conferences. Each of you has 5 minutes to speak without the other person interrupting. The last 5 minutes are dedicated to finding solutions.

5. endure boredom

Most parents strive to keep their children busy all the time. But boredom can make children creative and increase their frustration tolerance. If the parents do not immediately offer a solution, the children will look for something to do themselves.

6. do not fulfill every wish

You don't have to jump immediately when your child wants something. Prompt wish fulfillment may save you a tantrum at the time. In the long run, however, the situation will get worse. If a wish can't be fulfilled right away, your child will be upset. child does not understand this and accordingly angry react.

7. accompany your child lovingly

Do not leave your child alone with his frustration. Punishment or ignorance are not suitable means of education. Instead, let your child know that you understand his or her frustration:

"I know you're mad because I didn't buy you that toy. But you get your allowance for special wishes. Mom has to save up before she can make wishes, too."

8. obtain professional literature on the subject of "frustration tolerance children".

There are numerous specialist books that deal in detail with the subject of "frustration tolerance in children". Reading up on the subject and thus sharpening your understanding can give you more confidence in numerous everyday situations.

In this context, we would also like to introduce you to our free e-book "The 10 best tips for fun and success in learning". to the heart. In our compact guide, you'll learn how to turn learning frustration into learning desire again and how you can successfully accompany your child through his or her school years.

low frustration tolerance in children causes

Frustration tolerance children: root cause analysis with coaching

Frustration arises when you feel powerless in a situation. This applies equally to children and adults. A low frustration tolerance can be related to personal mentality, but sometimes other factors also play a role. It can therefore make a lot of sense to use coaching to investigate the causes.

Within the framework of a professional Coachings various questions are discussed with the child: Where does the frustration come from? In which situations do these negative feelings overtake you most often? The goal is to determine trigger points, which in turn are linked to negative beliefs and inner blockages are connected. Only when these are known can targeted action be taken.

Furthermore, the child is encouraged to listen deeply within himself: Where exactly in the body do you feel the frustration? The latter can express itself in different ways. Many children feel the frustration in their stomach, others grind their teeth. By using relaxation methods, the child can learn to calm himself down in the respective situations.

Here's how to help your child build frustration tolerance in the learning process

School and learning are common trigger points when it comes to the topic of frustration tolerance kids. After all, the Potential of failures and disappointments is particularly high here. To support your child, it makes sense for you as a parent to acquire certain learning coaching skills.

As part of our training for the Learning Coach you will learn how you can specifically promote your child's ability to concentrate and intrinsic motivation.

3 exercises for resilience in children

Resilience is another term for psychological resilience. The latter is crucial for dealing with disappointment and frustration. The following three exercises are ideally suited for children:

Exercise 1: 4×4 breathing exercise

Breathing exercises are an effective way to calm yourself in stressful situations and also sharpen your ability to concentrate. Studies prove that this also applies to children.

The 4×4 breathing exercise has proved particularly effective. This involves breathing deeply into the abdomen for four seconds, then holding the breath for four seconds. Then exhale for four seconds and hold your breath again for four seconds. The exercise can be repeated as often as desired.

Exercise 2: The compliments box

Encourage your child to give himself compliments. To do this, they write down on a piece of paper what they like about themselves or what they have done well. The notes are folded up and put in a box. Whenever the child is angry or sad, he or she may take a compliment slip. This reminds the child, "I'm great the way I am."

Exercise 3: Sun and rain

Your child draws a picture: the sun is shining on the right and it's raining on the left. Your child should now write all his sorrow on the rain side. All happy thoughts go on the sunny side. Both sides of the page are connected by a rainbow. When your child is sad, he or she can imagine bringing the positive things over the rainbow to him or her.

Frustration tolerance children: Our conclusion

Learning to tolerate frustration is an important milestone in child development. However, each child has his or her own pace in this process. By listening to your child's feelings mindful If you accompany your child without giving in to his tantrums, his frustration tolerance will gradually increase in line with his age. In addition, you can support it with the exercises and measures presented.


The 10 best tips for 
Fun and success in learning

In our free e-book you get 10 tried and tested tipsthat will help you to support your child in learning in the best possible way.
Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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