Even if you are taken, you may still find other people interesting and attractive. Minor crushes are human and shouldn't necessarily be revealed to your partner. However, the situation is different if you are seriously in love with someone else. Below you will find out how you can best deal with such a tricky situation.
What does it mean to be in love with someone else?
Being in love with someone else simply means that you have fallen seriously in love with another person, even though you are in a committed relationship. It's not just a harmless crush or physical attraction, but you feel a deep emotional connection with someone. Connectedness with the third person. You are faced with the question of whether your current Save relationship or you should separate.
Interesting to know: falling in love with a stranger is not that rare! A representative ElitePartner study from 2019 shows that around 49% of men and women surveyed have fallen in love with someone else.
10 signs that you could be in love with someone else
Admitting to yourself that you have fallen in love with someone else in a committed relationship is sometimes not so easy. However, the following signs are clear warning signals:
- You're always talking about your crush. With almost every Topic of conversation you mention him or her in passing.
- You often pay attention to a particularly well-groomed and attractive appearance when you meet him or her.
- You confide very personal things from your life to the person in question.
- You quickly miss the person when you're not spending time together.
- You protect your crush from other people - especially your partner.
- The mood of the person in question influences your own mood.
- You constantly compare your crush with your current partner.
- Touching the person in question triggers a pleasant feeling of well-being or even an intense tingling sensation in your stomach.
- It is very important to you that the person has a good opinion of you.
- You are suddenly very interested in the other person's hobbies and dreams.
Being in love with others: Recognizing your own inner life
Being in love with someone else is often accompanied by great confusion. It is completely normal that you no longer recognize yourself and find yourself in an emotional conflict: On the one hand, there's your partner, who you may have been with for a long time and with whom you've lived through good and difficult times. On the other hand, there's this new person and the exciting feelings ...
So the question is: what do you really want? To get clear about this, it often helps to talk to someone you trust from outside. Someone who is not emotionally involved can sometimes give you important food for thought. A written list of pros and cons can also be useful to help you Clarity about your inner life. This may sound pragmatic, but it is actually quite effective.
Dealing with feelings and the situation
Dealing with your feelings and the situation is most difficult when you are in love with someone else. It is important that you Do not suppress your feelingsbut face up to them. Only when you come to terms with your infatuation with others can you find the right one for you. make a decision.
Even if you haven't talked to your partner about your feelings for another man or woman, he or she will certainly notice that something is wrong. Since being in love with someone else is (almost) always a sign that you are missing something in your current relationship, it is advisable in most cases to have an open conversation - even if it is painful.
Open communication in a partnership: always a good idea?
It is difficult to give a general answer to whether and when you should talk to your partner about your feelings. The first step, as already explained, is to talk to your partner about your own feelings become clear: Is it a small crush or deep feelings? Once you have recognized the former and drawn the appropriate conclusions, it can sometimes be better to keep quiet.
If you have developed deep feelings for your crush, there is no way around an open conversation with your partner. Tell him or her honest with how you feel in the relationship and what you are unhappy about. Avoid generalizations and accusations. Ultimately, the aim is to find out together whether it is still possible to save your relationship.
Self-reflection and decision-making with the help of coaching
Professional coaching can help you to become clear about your own feelings. A coach will help you to help yourself. You learn how to reflect on yourself: What longings and needs are hidden behind your infatuation with others? What exactly are you looking for in the other person? Is it a recurring pattern of behavior on your part?
The theme Self-reflection is essential for making decisions. Only if you understand yourself can you make a decision that really makes you happy in the long term. Incidentally, the techniques you learn in a coaching session can be applied in a wide variety of situations throughout your life.
Exploring your own relationship: Why are you in love with someone else?
Being in love with someone else in a relationship does not happen without reason. It is important to emphasize that no one is to blame. Rather, it is a signal that indicates to you that some Need is unfulfilled: even if it is only the longing for the feeling of being freshly in love. Review your current relationship with regard to the following aspects:
1. you are dissatisfied
Sometimes it happens that people grow apart in a long-term relationship. Interests and personalities constantly evolve over the course of a lifetime. Perhaps you have reached a point where you simply no longer harmonize as well as you used to.
2. longing for excitement and adventure
Your relationship is stable, you love your partner and can always rely on them. What you are missing, however, are the erotic tingles and the fluttering butterflies in your stomach. Another person who evokes exactly these feelings in you can really shake up your emotional world.
3. you feel taken for granted
Do you have the feeling that you are taken for granted by your partner - or worse still - that you are always dispensable? It's no wonder that you're attracted to someone who makes you feel very special.
4. you suffer from commitment anxiety
People who suffer from Commitment Anxiety are afraid of emotional closeness. Did you fall in love with someone else when you were just starting to get serious with your partner? This may be an unconscious protective mechanism of your psyche to escape the feared constricting closeness.
5. there is no reason
Sometimes none of the above reasons apply. Maybe you've simply fallen in love with someone else because you've met the love of your life. In this case, it doesn't matter whether you've left your previous Relationship to date as happy and intact. After all, feelings cannot be controlled.
Being in love with someone else: decision and consequences
To go or to stay? This is the question of all questions when you are in love with someone else. The answer naturally depends on your personal situation. First of all, don't rush into anything in the rush of falling in love for the first time! Take enough time to weigh up, as described above, whether you want to get involved in a new relationship or save your existing relationship.
Once you have finally decided on one of the two options, you have to be consistent. If you want to save your existing relationship, avoid contact with your crush. Tell him or her openly that you have chosen your partner. Then work on your relationship together with your partner by exploring what you would like to change.
If, on the other hand, you have decided to give a new love a chance because you no longer see any future prospects with your partner, then talk to them honestly about it. It may be painful, but a clean break is important for both of you.
Perhaps the following questions, which you can answer honestly, will also help you to gain more clarity:
- Are you in love with the feeling of being in love?
- What do you want in a relationship? What values (e.g. commitment, appreciation, respect) are important to you?
- What values do you live by in your relationship?
- Which values are not lived?
- What was your parents' relationship/marriage like? What example did they set for you and are there any parallels between your parents' relationship and yours?
- What image of men or women were you taught?
- What is it about your mother or father that triggers you and what about your current partner? Are there any parallels?
- What longing or feeling does the person who has turned your head awaken in you? For example, if it is "appreciation", then ask yourself in the next step: How appreciative do I treat myself?
You may already have an idea of what the questions are about: The partner we attract into our lives is always just a reflection of what happened to us in childhood with our parents. In fact, the majority of women and men today choose either their mother or their father as their partner. The conflicts you have with each other, the way you deal with each other, are mostly familiar from your childhood. It repeats itself in the here and now, so that you can forget your formative childhood experiences or even Trauma finally work through and heal. Nothing happens in vain. Even if you have the feeling that life is against you.
It is not. It just challenges you to check yourself: What do I want? What do I deserve? And where do I no longer make any compromises? In order to bring more calm into your emotional chaos, a Coaching on. Take a look at our coaching map and make yourself a gift for eternity.
Respectful treatment of those involved
If a partner has fallen in love with someone else, this is a very emotionally upsetting situation for everyone involved. Offended pride, heartache and Fear of loss are at play. But also longings and hopes.
This makes it all the more important that you are sensitive to the feelings of your partner and your crush. Don't play with them by making false promises. Avoid openly comparing the two of them or raving to them about how great the other is.
Conclusion: The journey of self-reflection in matters of love
If you have fallen in love with someone else, you understandably have doubts about your relationship. Now it's time to find out what you really want: should I leave or stay? Admittedly, deciding this is often easier said than done. That's why we would like to give you our free relationship test to the heart.
Of course, the decision is always ultimately up to you. But our scientifically based relationship test can support you and give you direction to make a sensible decision. All you need to do is take about four minutes.