There it is again, that stabbing pain that runs through your body like an icy lightning bolt. Suddenly, a terrible feeling of emptiness spreads through you. Your hands start to tremble and you feel abandoned and completely helpless. Nothing really happened, apart from the fact that you have just been abandoned. But not in the sense of a separation - you just could not cope with the departure of someone close to you. Now your emotions are going crazy. And even though your head knows that you are completely overreacting, your fear of loss has got a grip on you again.
We all know the fear of saying goodbye and the loss of loved ones, situations or things. Some people are very afraid of losing their partner or best friend. Another fears for his job or his social status. To a certain extent, this is completely natural. But sometimes fears of loss can be so intense that they numb us. We lose sight of reality, suffer terribly and build a protective wall around us. In this magazine article you will learn where the fear of parting comes from, how to recognize it and how to overcome it.
Fear of loss - these are the causes
Newborns who have just been born cannot survive on their own. They depend one hundred percent on the love and affection of their parents. Without this they would die within a short time. This creates an enormous dependence. Robert Betz explains: "In our childhood we are physically, emotionally, mentally and financially dependent. It is a time of powerlessness that shapes many people well beyond their childhood and into old age." So our existence would be greatly jeopardized if we lost our parents. This time in our lives shapes us so much that even as adults, we sometimes experience losses as existentially threatening.
For some of us, traumatic experiences and horrible experiences are added to the list of things we have experienced over the years. When parents separate or important caregivers die, our fear of loss may become more pronounced than average. If you have already been left by a partner completely unexpectedly and the separation has pulled the rug out from under you, this can also leave lasting emotional wounds and lead to permanent fear of loss and attachment.
What characterises fear of loss?
The symptoms of fear of loss can vary from person to person. However, they are most often characterised by the following aspects:
- You're jealous for no reason
- Space? No. You're clinging to your partner.
- You're developing an exaggerated compulsion to control
- You're always looking for recognition
- It's hard for you to build trust
- You feel worthless and have low self-esteem
- You are often afraid of serious diseases
- You overreact to little things by
- You become pessimistic to be at least mentally prepared in case of a loss
- You are overprotective and try to protect your environment from all dangers
Overcoming fear of loss: 4 tips
Fear of loss is not only extremely painful, but can have a negative impact on your whole life. They affect your self-esteem, your self-image, your relationships and possibly even your job and lifestyle. If you are very afraid of saying goodbye, then you should definitely follow our four tips to overcome fear of loss step by step:
1. find triggers & causes
First of all, you should carefully consider the situations in which you feel particularly anxious. If a pattern emerges, you can consciously take care to avoid these situations. Do you always have the feeling that it is a matter of life and death when you are arguing violently with your partner? Then tell him about it and for example talk about your jealousy. That way he can react more understandingly and you won't be able to be hit by the icy cold inner lightning again.
The trigger is of course not the same as the cause. Because the fear of loss must have arisen from some situation in your life. It's a little more difficult to determine. When in doubt, it is even advisable to seek professional help from a coach or therapist. Work on your past and keep reminding yourself that the past is closed and that your experiences in the present and future do not have to repeat themselves.
2. break through thought patterns
If you always start from the worst-case scenario, you are prepared for the pain that could possibly occur. But this preparation does not make the feeling any better in the end. On the contrary: If you would think positively, it might be completely different. Because then you would be more relaxed and would transfer this to your environment. So break through your negative thought patterns and instead internalize the following belief: "Everything will be fine. And even if I'm disappointed or hurt, I will still survive the situation."
3. strengthen your self-esteem
"My partner left me because I'm not worthy of being loved." This belief is unfortunately widespread, but completely wrong. Some people think they don't deserve lovebut the truth is that when someone leaves you, it can be for many reasons. And either way, you're worthy of love. Because you are unique and wonderful just the way you are. That's why this tip is extremely important: Strengthen your self-esteem. The stronger it is, the less you will feel fear of loss.
4. change your self-image
Your self-image goes hand in hand with your self-esteem: How do you perceive yourself? What do you think about yourself? Do you think of yourself as a strong person who is at peace with yourself despite your faults? If not, you should definitely work on that. Because you are so much more than you think. You can achieve everything, experience everything and if you want to, you can always start over again. You do not need another person or a certain status to be strong, successful and happy. The happiness is within you. Once you have internalized this, you will reach a positive self-image and shake off your fear of loss with ease.