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Learning self-love - How to find yourself

Reading time 7 minutes
Learning self-love - How to find yourself

Learning self-love. How does it work? What is the reason that we often do not love ourselves? Where do the doubts come from that prevent us from being happy? And most importantly, how can we learn self-love?

We would like to give you the answers to these questions in today's article. But before we get to that, we would like to take a closer look at what self-love is and where the lack of self-love actually originates.

What is self-love?

For one person, self-love is finally putting themselves first again and perhaps doing more sports. For the other, self-love means getting closer again by opening up and no longer closing off. You see, self-love can consist of so many things. Or rather values: it denotes the all-encompassing acceptance of oneself in the form of an unrestricted love for oneself. Through mindfulness, devotion, love of life, Lightness or clarity.

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How important is self-love in a relationship?

How will you love someone else if you can't love and accept yourself? First and foremost, be clear about what values you want to live for yourself: Mindfulness, devotion, authentic communication, lightness, health, respect, AppreciationWhat of this do you already live and in which areas could you step on the gas even more? If you live self-love for yourself, this automatically strengthens you in your relationship. Because if you live values like clarity or appreciation in your relationship with yourself, then you automatically radiate that to other areas as well. You can always make clear and communicate what you want in a relationship - that is self-love!

Where does the lack of self-love come from?

The origin of lack of self-love often lies in our childhood. Every child interprets a situation differently. If the events accumulate that the boy or girl feels that he or she has not completed a task to the satisfaction of his or her parents, the Belief set "I am not good enough". We constantly had to improve, adapt and were not allowed to show ourselves as we really are. This childhood experience led some of us to experience self-love only in small portions or not at all. Instead, we sought approval from the outside. How? Maybe you did everything you could to please your teachers? What was that like for you?

In this context, our parents had no malicious intent. These are also only humans and often due to their childhood imprints (especially the post-war generation) of Angst led. You had Fearthat their children were falling by the wayside and not developing fast enough to cope with everyday life. Our parents always focused on things that needed to be corrected in their eyes and not on what the children were already able to do.

Just, don't permanently view your past as a free pass to continue living in your old pattern. You can learn self-love at any time and integrate it into your life. But more on that later.

Parents have thus succumbed to the system of comparison. As soon as this system settles in the minds of the children, they begin to compare themselves with their classmates. From this point on, it is no longer their own thoughts that count, but what the other children have and are. (e.g. the newest and hippest clothes).

"Comparing yourself to others blinds you to the original you are."

Laura Malina Seiler

Learning self-love: this is why we don't succeed

The truth is: Not everyone is equally good at everything. That's why it's not possible to get the recognition you want in all areas. And yet we often choose strategies with which we seem to secure recognition and attention.

At school, for example, it is the class clown who drives the teachers crazy with foolishness in order to conceal the fact that he is not at all well. He wants to be seen and maybe just given a hug. The problem: as soon as we put on masks or slip into roles, we lose the connection to our true self.

On a deeper level within us, however, it is bubbling. Somewhere inside us, the anger and frustration is building up. We want to be seen. Seen for who we really are. We want to express ourselves and be accepted for who we really are.

The goal is to tear off the mask of social conventions in order to finally be able to live authentically. But often we don't succeed because we are used to being judged. And that's why we often wear this mask even in adulthood.

Learning self-love: How to do it in 4 steps

Don't believe everything that people tell you. For you alone can give yourself self-love. This cannot be taught to you by others. In order for you to succeed, you must learn to put yourself first in your life again.

Regain your basic confidence. Recognize and accept your individual self-worth as a human being. Because this is the foundation for self-love. Without a strong self-worth you will always remain heteronomous.

  1. As soon as you have found your basic trust again, you can unleash your inner power and develop your full potential. Your task is therefore to examine your own image of yourself.
  2. You have to distinguish between self-perception and external perception. As a rule, we take the opinion of our fellow human beings too seriously.
  3. But who knows you better? Your environment or is it rather you? So don't let the outside world dictate your value as a human being. Because you are the designer of your life and determine your destiny yourself.
  4. So you can learn self-love as soon as you have your inner child ...accept. When you accept who you really are, you can be free. In order for you to succeed, it is important that you not only criticize yourself, but also praise yourself.

5 tips and exercises for more self-love in everyday life

Below we have prepared 5 tips and exercises for you to learn self-love.

1. a bag of peas

Take ten peas and put them in your pocket. Now pay attention in everyday life to what you have done particularly well. This can be an achievement (e.g., a task that you have done well). good grade in studies) or an emotion (e.g. laughing with friends).

As soon as you have done something that was praiseworthy in your eyes, remove one of the peas from your pocket. You will see that you do dozens of things a day for which you deserve praise.

2. the happiness diary

For this exercise you need a small notebook. Every evening from now on, write down ten things in this notebook for which you deserve praise. Ask yourself what went particularly well during the day.

What did you do well? Did you have nice moments that brought a smile to your face? Did you surround yourself with people who were good for you?

3. create magic moments

Magical moments in life not only make for great memories. They also leave wonderful feelings in our hearts that bring a smile to our lips. We can create such "magic moments" ourselves.

Therefore, think of four activities that you would like to do in the next month that are good for you and your heart. This could be a hike in the mountains, a visit to the masseur or a cozy evening with friends. These exercises are guaranteed to help you learn self-love and bring more happiness into your everyday life.

4. self-love meditation

There are quite a few meditations that help you look at yourself from loving eyes. It helps you develop a healthy relationship with yourself and recognize your inner strength. Start right now with the Meditation "Deep Self-Love from Laura Malina Seiler

5. affirmations for self-love

Beliefs dissolve, achieve goals more easily or go through life more consciously - affirmations are a very good method for this. In concrete terms, these are positively formulated sentences whose content you believe in and which, through constant repetition, should seep into your subconscious - and strengthen and support you.

I, uh...

  • love myself.
  • am lovable.
  • am valuable.
  • accept me for who I am.
  • trust myself.
  • I'm good enough.
  • I'm strong.

Learning to love yourself means realizing your full potential

In this article you have learned how to learn self-love. You have learned that self-love is the foundation for you to develop your full potential. We would like to support you so that you can achieve this Reach goal.

Every person occasionally struggles to find more self-worth. But self-worth predators lurk everywhere. Learn how they trigger you less and less and how you can develop yourself further at Greator. In our Self-confidence seminar you learn how to develop yourself. Positive feelings bring you forward - not only in your private life, but also at work. In this way, you will be able to develop your personality on your own initiative and with professional support. Self-esteem strengthen. With the right tips you will find your way to more self-worth and self-determination.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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