Ghosting: How to deal with disappointment with confidence

Reading time 7 minutes
Ghosting: How to deal with disappointment with confidence

More and more people experience being left suddenly and without any explanation. Most often, the end of the relationship is announced by text message or e-mail. No further messages or phone calls follow. The person you valued as a life partner, friend or girlfriend shortly before has simply disappeared from your life. The unexpected break-off of contact is called ghosting. Most of the time, the victims do not know how to deal with it.

The people concerned assume that they have done something wrong and that this is the reason for the end of the Relationship have delivered. But ghosting has other causes. In this article, you'll learn what they are and how you can steer your feelings in a positive direction again.

What is Ghosting?

The term ghosting comes from the English language. It can be translated as ghosting or ghosting. The ghosting meaning is best described as a complete break in contact and communication without prior notice.

Does this situation sound familiar? Have you been a victim of ghosting yourself? In ghosting, contact with a person you have previously dated or had a relationship with is suddenly broken off. Further attempts to contact the other person are consistently ignored. The affected person thus has no possibility to demand an explanation for this strange behavior.

If the contact does not answer the phone when your number appears on the display, this is ghosting. Contact is likely to be broken off if there is no response to your messages and no callback.

Ghosting in real life

Although ghosting largely takes place on the Internet, this behavior also occurs in real life. Ghosting also occurs among friends and among couples who have known each other for a long time. However, it is more difficult to avoid contact with a person you see every day. The inhibition threshold for ghosting is much higher when you are confronted with this person at school, university or at work.

In the meantime, ghosting has reached other areas of life. For example, it is increasingly common for people not to respond to job applications. Ghosting is not actually new. Contacts have always been suddenly broken off without giving the partner a chance to talk things out.

Ghosting occurs on a first date as well as during a longer acquaintance. In our technological, computer- and smartphone-driven everyday lives, ghosting is becoming a mass phenomenon of the 21st century.

What is Ghosting?

How do most people respond to ghosting?

Reacting appropriately to ghosting is not easy. The sudden and unexpected break in contact must first be processed. Overwhelmingly, those affected hope that it is just a Misunderstanding for which there is an explanation. The first reactions are often feelings like:

  • Fear and self-doubt
  • Disappointment
  • Disorientation
  • Grief
  • Uncertainty
  • Injury
  • Rage
  • Bewilderment

Do ghosting offenders come back? The answer to this question must be "no." Even if the Hope initially great that the person reconsiders this decision, this usually does not correspond to reality.

Warning Signals for Ghosting

Ghosting can happen at any stage of dating, in a close friendship and even in a long-term relationship. There are some clues by which you can recognize the first signs of ghosting. These warning signs are:

  • Dishonesty
  • Disinterest
  • Detachment
  • Disrespect
  • Indifference

If your date is distant, avoids physical contact, and shows no interest in you, you may be dealing with a ghoster.

Dishonesty puts a strain on every relationship. This is not only about obvious lies, but also about information that is deliberately withheld. Disrespect and Indifference towards you are a sure sign that something is wrong with your friendship.

One way to resolve disagreements is to talk together. Ghosting, however, ends the togetherness for good. Many of those affected then plot revenge because it is difficult to deal with this rejection. Others blame themselves, withdraw and lose the joy of life.

Why people ghosted

Anyone who ends friendship or love relationship with ghosting has a problem. It may be low self-esteem or simply the fear of a debate, the other to disappoint, act. Often people want to avoid accusations or a relationship quarrel with ghosting.

Ghosting is the easiest and most convenient way to cut off contact and break up with someone. It takes hardly any time and little effort to write a short note. The end of a friendship or relationship is simply communicated via SMS or email.

When ghosting, you don't have to deal with the other person's feelings or reactions. Maybe your* ex feels overwhelmed or has different expectations and ideas about a relationship. The main reasons for ghosting are:

  • Convenience
  • Commitment fears
  • Cowardice
  • No desire for justification
  • Narcissistic traits
  • Problems communicating feelings
  • Guilt
  • Inferiority complexes
  • Low Self-worth

Maybe it just didn't click. Maybe your date is in a committed relationship and you were the one-night stand. Some people ghosted because they hoped that you would then also lose interest. While ghosters may feel guilty, the liberating feeling of leaving an unsatisfactory End relationship.

What is Ghosting?

What influence does ghosting have on the psyche of the person affected?

What does ghosting mean for the psyche of the person affected? Being banished from life by a loved one is painful. The feeling that it is your own fault for the sudden separation gnaws at the Self-confidence.

It is difficult to deal with the rejection. The experience of ghosting has negative effects on the psyche. Often arises Mistrust as a result of emotional injuries. However, conflicts and disappointments are part of life.

Sudden abandonment isn't something anyone just puts away. Take time to process the ghosting. Unresolved actions occupy our soul, which is looking for explanations. The break-off of contact and the silence afterwards are indications that something was wrong in the relationship.

In extreme cases, ghosting causes low mood, feelings of bitterness, or withdrawal from social relationships. You cannot control how you are treated by other people. However, you do have complete control over how you react to a ghosting experience.

The consequences for ghosting victims

Ghosting victims often feel like the rug is being pulled out from under them. Ghosting is a drastic experience. Mental injuries take a long time to heal. The unexpected break in contact triggers massive stress.

The thoughts are circling and the Memory searches for possible interpretations for the sudden end of a supposedly happy relationship. Ghosting victims often suffer physical and psychological consequences for a long time afterwards. Rejection is equated with being a social outcast.

Emotional damage

Ghosting can cause emotional damage that is not much different from physical abuse. Affected people avoid contact with other people because they feel inferior.

Many ghosting victims run after the perpetrator because they cannot cope with being abandoned. Instead of overcoming the disappointment and daring to make a new start, victims bombard the perpetrators with calls, messages and e-mails. As a result, many victims become ghosters themselves.

In the unfavorable case, the The Pain of Separation to trauma. Ghosting victims suffer from self-doubt. Sadness is joined by resignation. They hole up at home and avoid even contact with friends and acquaintances.

Depending on personality and temperament, the coping behavior of ghosting victims may differ. While some people withdraw, others become aggressive and seek confrontation with the ghoster. Anger or despair may lead to thoughtless activities, such as going to the Stalking or lead to hate comments on the Internet.

The best option is to do better yourself. Treat other people with respect. Say honestwhat you think and feel. End a partnership only personally and tell your counterpart your reasons for it.

How to deal with ghosting?

There is no "magic formula" for dealing with ghosting. One option is to do a reality check. Ask yourself honestly if the relationship was really that good. It often helps to take off the rose-colored glasses of infatuation in order to see your partner more clearly.

Someone who leaves you suddenly and without notice probably can't give you support in difficult phases of your life. Reliability and being there for the other person are the foundations of a happy relationship. Was the time you spent together really that nice? Or did you imagine your date to be a superhero?

Set your values for yourself

Think about which Values really count for you. Do you want to be with a person who turns out to be unreliable? Do you want to build your future with a partner who suddenly leaves you without explaining the reasons?

Dealing with ghosting is a challenge. As an abandoned person, you may have to endure gloating and ridicule from other people around you who are in a happy relationship. Demand respect! Ghosting is not self-inflicted, but characterless behavior on the part of the ghost.

Send the person a final message if it helps you draw a line. In your message, point out the disappointment that ghosting has caused you. Don't wait for a reply afterwards and ignore it if one comes.

Align yourself positively

Do not blame yourself! Close the chapter and look ahead. Make plans for the future. Imagine what nice things you can do alone or with other friends. Preventing or avoiding ghosting is almost impossible. Every person reacts differently, so that a break in contact can never be ruled out.

When dating, pay attention to how your date behaves towards you. Always remain clear and direct in your statements. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and false hopes. Is the first meeting not going as you would like? Talk about it with the other person. Deciding together to break off the meeting feels better than ghosting.

Self-confidence seminar

Strengthen your self-confidence. In our Self-confidence seminar you will learn how to evolve. Find out the reason why you have drawn such an experience into your life! What old Belief Set is possibly written on your forehead? What mirror is being held up to you by this action? Positive feelings help you to overcome the crisis. In this way, you can rediscover your self-worth and go your own way with more self-determination.

Train your Self-confidence. Trust in yourself and in your own abilities helps to cope with difficult situations. Dealing with ghosting is easier when you have plans and something to look forward to. Don't stay in your room brooding over problems. Try a new hobby. Go to the movies with friends or take a trip on the weekend.

Take time for yourself and to do things you like. After some time, you will have overcome the effects of ghosting and be ready to meet new people!


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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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