It's happened again ... The rash statement of a friend, family member or colleague has really upset you and you vent your displeasure. Instead of understanding, however, you only get the dismissive hint that you should simply not take the whole thing personally. However, the latter is much easier said than done.
Whether it's a silly joke or unwarranted criticism, what bounces off some people like a rock, others take very much to heart. Are you one of those people who lie awake for nights feeling bad after an unpleasant situation? Then it is Timeto work on this construction site. But why do you feel attacked so quickly and how do you manage not to take things personally?
First of all, it is useful at this point to analyze the psychology behind personal involvement. In many cases, a lack of Self-confidence or the fear of rejection are causal. People who quickly feel personally attacked often feel a deep-seated inner Uncertainty. This in turn may be due to past negative experiences or trauma.
It is almost self-explanatory: Anyone who senses a personal attack behind every statement or gesture cannot feel good mentally. Always referring everything to oneself - and defending oneself accordingly - costs valuable resources that are lacking elsewhere.
Your social life also suffers. It is extremely exhausting for your fellow human beings to weigh every word carefully so that you do not feel personally attacked. Friendships and relationships can fail because of this. One more reason to work on not having to take things personally.
The next time you feel attacked, try stopping for a moment and looking at the situation with a little distance: What exactly triggered your violent reaction? What associations were evoked in you by your counterpart's words or actions? Recognizing your personal emotional triggers is extremely important in order to distance yourself internally.
You'll find that a pattern often emerges. After all, everyone has their very own sore spots that they literally jump on. Here we come back to the role of your self-esteem. If you feel attacked, a point has certainly been hit that is weighing you down. Here it is necessary to look closely and to look at old Beliefs let go.
By regularly Self-reflection you can learn to say stop inwardly when you don't want to take something personally. You know exactly: "Well, this is my sore point, here I am sensitive. The other person can't know that and therefore can't classify my violent reaction. Instead of getting angry, I look at the issue with distance and don't relate it to myself."
Self-reflection is the first step in not taking things personally. However, there are other proven strategies that we would like to familiarize you with below.
Immediately at the moment of the emotional injury felt, two types of behavior can be observed. Some people freeze in bewilderment, others launch a verbal counterattack. Neither is constructive. Before you react, you should calm down. This is the only way to clarify the situation appropriately.
A proven strategy for self-soothing are Breathing exercises. Their effectiveness has even been scientifically proven. Breathing exercises and Mindfulnesss exercises are often mentioned in the same breath, because mindfulness is always related to breathing. If you prefer a little more activity, then exercises like the Walking meditation or the Bodyscan right for you.
Many conflicts are based on misunderstandings. Maybe you really shouldn't take what your counterpart said personally and the statement was meant quite differently than you took it? There is only one way to find out: communication!
Explain to the other person calmly and factually how you understood his or her statement and why it hurts you. Then give the other person the opportunity to respond. In this way, misunderstandings can be quickly cleared up.
Not only you have your sore points. The same applies to your fellow human beings. The better you know the other person, the easier it is to put yourself in their shoes: Perhaps they have a completely different or even positive relationship to the topic that you feel personally attacked by? What hurts you can say much more about the other person than about yourself.
Not taking things personally is a Learning processwhich is built on three important pillars:
Basically, the more self-confident you are, the less likely you are to be hurt by other people's statements or actions. You know what you can do and do not immediately refer to supposedly negative comments to yourself. If you are self-confident, you ideally won't feel targeted in the first place.
In order to maintain a healthy Self-esteem there are various possibilities. The most effective way to do this is with professional self-awareness coaching or psychotherapy. Neither is a sign of failure, but a courageous step. Jumping over your own shadow more often and trying new things can also boost your self-esteem. strengthen sustainably.
Resilience means psychological resilience. Some people have this naturally, others have to work for it. The good news is that it is possible. This is also proven by scientific studies. Find out how you can foster your resilience here.
Emotional intelligence has nothing to do with good school grades, but describes the ability to perceive, understand and positively influence one's own emotions as well as the emotions of fellow human beings. To achieve this, the most important step is to be open to one's own feelings.
Criticism is part of life. You don't have to take it personally either, but only as an impulse to improve your performance. As long as the criticism is formulated constructively, there is no reason to feel attacked. Constructive criticism clearly differentiates between the conflict and the person. You should always keep this in mind.
In theory, this may all sound quite understandable, but what about in practice? To illustrate how it is possible not to take something personally, we have come up with everyday examples and three simple exercises for you.
Those who knowingly attack you personally rarely really have a problem with you as a person. Most of the time, you have unconsciously hit a trigger point through words or gestures. Even if this is of course no excuse for transgressive behavior, this knowledge can be healing for you, so that you don't have to take some things personally.
1. "You are too stupid for this! You can't do it!"
In this case, the sender of the personal attack is largely a very impatient person. The person cannot deal with this weakness and projects his annoyance that everything is not going smoothly right away onto you.
2. "You're always so unpunctual!"
Generalizations such as "always" and "all" should always be viewed critically. When it comes to punctuality, the angry station expresses that you have not met their personal expectations. The fact that someone does not set the same priorities is not something they can deal with. You do not have to take this personally.
3. "You are selfish!"
You have assumed the right to point out your own Needs and refuse a favor? Whoever now calls you selfish, would perhaps like to be a little more selfish himself. Here you have once again touched on a sore point.
Personal attacks cannot be completely avoided. However, only you can decide how to deal with them. The following short exercises should support you:
Every person occasionally struggles to find more self-worth. But self-worth predators lurk everywhere. Learn how they trigger you less and less and how you can develop yourself further at Greator. In our Self-confidence seminar you learn how to develop yourself. Positive feelings bring you forward - not only in your private life, but also at work. In this way, you can strengthen your self-esteem on your own initiative and with professional support. With the right tips, you will find your way to more self-worth and self-determination.
