Unfortunately, we cannot choose who we fall in love with. Being attracted to a person who does not share the affection shown to him or her is not uncommon. This situation can be very hurtful and stressful. However, feelings cannot be forced. Therefore, you should let go of one-sided love. In the following, we would like to show you how you can do this.
What is one-sided love?
One-sided love is when you have romantic feelings for someone, but they do not reciprocate your feelings at all or only on a friendly basis. Often the person does not even realize that you have fallen in love. Or they send clear signals of disinterest, which you misinterpret due to your infatuation.
There is no question: one-sided love causes deep emotional pain. There is no way to prevent it. With every falling in love comes the potential risk that the affection is based on one-sidedness. If someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings, there is no self-explanatory point in trying to make contact, and there's no point in talking about a Relationship to dream. You are only harming yourself with this.
The best thing you can do in case of unrequited feelings is to let them go as soon as possible. To do this, however, you must first recognize and, above all, realize that it is a one-sided love. We would like to give you a little help on which signs to look out for.
Interesting to know: One-sided love can take on morbid proportions. This often happens when the rejected partner suffers from low self-esteem. In the worst case, it develops Stalking. In 2020, over 20000 people in Germany were victims - as can be seen from this Study ...that's what I'm talking about.
10 signs of one-sided love: how you can recognize them
Recognizing one-sided love is harder than it might seem at first. It is perfectly natural not to want to admit this fact at first. However, you should pull the emergency brake at the following signals:
1. all contact efforts come from you
The other person never contacts you on their own initiative unless they need your help. Otherwise, all contact and conversations will be initiated by you.
2. permanent excuses
If you want to meet the person, he always seems to have a more or less plausible excuse ready, why it does not fit (again). If a meeting does take place, the person prefers the private setting instead of showing up in public with you.
3. the interest is purely sexual
You meet, sleep together and then the person of your heart is in a hurry to get away from you? If there are no activities together outside the bedroom, this is not a good sign at all.
4. no follow-up questions are asked
The person never asks when you tell them about you and your life. Deep conversations are also not sought. All topics that go beyond harmless banter are initiated exclusively by you.
5. the other person keeps you at a distance
You clearly feel that you should take no part in this person's life. You may even have never visited him or her at home. You are not introduced to friends or family. When the future is talked about, you do not play a role in the plans.
6. own interests have priority
When planning everyday life, meetings with you are in last place. All hobbies as well as various other obligations basically have priority for the person. If you are together, you actually feel as if the other person regards your get-together as a kind of annoying obligatory event.
7. flirting attempts are ignored
Trying to signal your romantic interest through explicit flirting and getting no response at all? There are two possible explanations for this: Either the person of your interest is deliberately ignoring your flirting attempts. Or the idea that you might be in love is so far-fetched for them that they don't even interpret your flirting as such.
8. you are treated like a buddy
Sometimes the other person's interest is simply friendly. You notice this because the person treats you like a good buddy: You pat each other on the shoulder as a greeting, make casual sayings, and don't let any romantic atmosphere arise. Accordingly, there are no physical advances.
9. the other tells about his love affairs
One-sided love can be easily recognized by the fact that the other person tells you about their past love stories. If you are interested in a person, you are usually very reserved with this topic. Too much openness can mean that the other person is not interested in you. indifferent is whether he hurts you or makes you feel insecure with his stories.
10. gifts and attentions are rejected
Those who do not return a person's love do not want to feel obligated to the other person. This is expressed by the fact that (valuable) gifts and attentions are rejected. In this case, the suggestion to travel together is also often not well received.
One-sided love - what can I do?
We have already mentioned it several times between the lines, but now it should be mentioned once again in all clarity: You must let go of one-sided love. There is no other way. If someone simply does not feel romantic feelings for you, it is not possible to convince him or her otherwise. The sooner you can Hope The more you let go, the better it is for your heart and soul.
To overcome one-sided love more quickly, one thing above all is important: self-care. Being rejected scratches sensitively at the Self-esteem. Therefore, focus on things that bring you joy. This can be a (new) hobby or being together with familiar people who support you in your grief.
Realigning your focus is often easier said than done, because your thoughts will inevitably still revolve around the person of your interest. This is part of the process. However, do not let yourself be carried away by any means to make further advances! No means no, as difficult as this may be to accept.
5 tips to let go of one-sided love
Letting go of one-sided love is difficult. It is not uncommon for new hope to flare up again and again through gestures and words from the other person. Be aware that it is like a Separation will hurt for a while. You must actively deal with the pain of rejection in order to eventually overcome it. The following tips can help you do this:
1. you are lovable
In the case of rejection, we look for the fault in ourselves. You begin to doubt your likability: why doesn't the other person like me? What is wrong with me? However, this train of thought is absolutely counterproductive. You are good and lovable the way you are. Feelings cannot be forced. This has nothing to do with your personality!
2. accept the situation and ensure distance
Accepting that it is one-sided love is among the most important steps in overcoming grief. Realize that there is no hope. Try to distract yourself from daydreams that revolve around a future together. Break off contact with the person in question, if possible. The more distance there is between you, the faster the healing process will be.
3. express your grief
With a one-sided love, dreams and visions of the future are shattered. You can be sad about this. Let your emotions free rein. Suppressing them only delays the grieving process. However, it is important that you not to the person who rejected you.
There are many ways to find an outlet for your disappointed feelings. Some people find it helpful to write their grief off their chest. Compose a final letter to the person and then tear up, bury or symbolically burn it. Important: Never send it! This ritual is meant for you alone.
Writing is not for you? Alternatively, you can also vent your frustrations at the Sports let out. Or you can talk to people you trust. If your self-esteem is badly damaged, psychotherapy may also be useful.
4. focus on your own goals
A one-sided love takes up a lot of space in your life and in your thoughts. Here you can actively counteract by turning to other goals. Even if it may feel at the moment as if the earth would circle around the hopeless love, this is not really the case. The current situation does not define you! You are much more.
Ask yourself what you've always wanted to do. Maybe it's time for a career change or a trip? Are there old friendships that have fallen asleep because of your heartbreak and that you now want to revive? Or are you even ready to meet new people?
5. it should be like this
You just can't get away from the object of your desire? Anger and pain still dominate your everyday life? Then a little mind game can be helpful: The fact is that the other person doesn't love you. Imagine that he or she would suddenly respond to your advances. What kind of relationship would you have? Would it really make you happy?
If one always invests more feeling than the other, this makes the one who truly loves in the long run unhappy. You deserve to find someone who enjoys being with you and whose love you don't have to vie for.
How long does unrequited love last?
How long one-sided love lasts is difficult to say in general terms. Every person is individual. While some people can cope with a rejection within a few weeks, others have to struggle with the painful experience for a year or even several years.
If a partnership has failed, it is said that once all celebrations must have passed before one recovers completely mentally. In other words, the mourning period lasts an average of one year. This rule of thumb can also be applied in the case of unrequited love.
Of course, it also depends on how deep the feelings have been and what consequences the one-sided love has entailed: A secret crush that had no repercussions, for example, will be coped with more quickly than an insensitive rejection in which you may even have been humiliated in front of other people.
Conclusion: Strengthen your self-love
The lower your self-worth, the harder it is for you to overcome a one-sided love. That such a situation (further) Self-doubt is basically normal. However, you can actively take countermeasures. One worthwhile option is to take part in our free Self-Awareness Webinar.
With the help of a proven coaching method, you will learn to strengthen your self-esteem in the long term. Recognize which negative beliefs affect you in your daily life and learn how to let them go. A healthy Self-confidence helps you achieve your personal goals in life. When it comes to finding a partner, self-confident people seem much more attractive.
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