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Letting go of unrequited love: Strengthen your self-esteem

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Letting go of unrequited love: Strengthen your self-esteem

At least once in life, almost everyone experiences unrequited love. There's no question that going through this is painful and can gnaw away at your self-esteem. However, there are ways to overcome unrequited love more quickly and thus keep the heartache at bay. Below we would like to give you some suggestions on how this works.

Unrequited love: what is it?

Unrequited love is when you have feelings for a person who does not return them. For example, while you are looking at a Relationship the other person only feels friendship for you. He or she does not want to share his or her life with you in a romantic way. Even if you are aware of this, it does not erase unrequited love in one fell swoop.

Unrequited love is much more than a passing fancy. It is a strong affection that the unhappy lover often feels as a kind of spiritual bond. The person often daydreams about a future together and becomes obsessed with the idea that the other person does secretly have feelings, but is hiding them.

If the affection takes on pathological features, psychologists speak of erotomania, colloquially also referred to as love mania. However, it does not necessarily have to come to this. Erotomania is often accompanied by other, already existing psychological problems, such as the following scientific elaboration proves

What does unrequited love feel like?

Unrequited love is exceedingly painful. There is no doubt about that. It is an emotional roller coaster ride between hope, despair and the final realization that there will be no chance at all for the fulfillment of romantic dreams. This realization first causes deep pain, which, however, helps to come to terms with the unhappy love.

Moreover, unrequited love not infrequently lowers self-esteem: the fact that another person rejects the affection you have shown him or her does not leave a mark on anyone. Self-esteem over. Sometimes come Self-doubt on. You ask yourself if you are not being kind and think about what you could change to please the other person.

Also, unrequited love often brings feelings of anger. You don't understand why the other person is being so negative, or you're angry at yourself for not being able to move on from your unrequited infatuation. No matter what emotional turmoil may come your way, don't let yourself be carried away by rash actions.

letting go of unrequited love

5 factors that can cause unrequited love

Longing for love is human. This is all the more true if you have been single for a long time or have had an unhappy partnership. In combination with a pronounced fantasy, it can quickly happen that a harmless crush turns into a painful, unrequited love or even into erotomania. The following five factors also encourage this development:

1. loneliness

Loneliness is one of the biggest risk factors for falling in unrequited love. You see a person you like, and the reverie takes its course. This is not a bad thing at first. However, loneliness fuels the tendency to cling too tightly to a vain hope.

The fallacy, however, is that you believe that only this one particular person can make you happy again. This clouds your view of all the other beautiful things and opportunities in life.

Your goal should not be to frantically strive for a relationship, but to free yourself from your loneliness in other ways: meet up with friends again or pursue a new hobby. When you are at peace with yourself again, the right partner will enter your life sooner or later.

2. relationship phobia

This may sound paradoxical at first, but in fact it is statistically proven, that people with relationship phobia are more likely to become entangled in unrequited love.

At second glance, however, the logic of this fact becomes quite clear: falling in love with someone with whom, for a variety of reasons, you can never have a real partnership, protects you from even greater Disappointments. This is an unconscious self-protection mechanism. However, this does not at all mean that the unrequited feelings are not felt as painful!

Unrequited love, however, protects you from having to deal with your real Fears because there is no more mental space left for this. Someone who does not return your feelings cannot logically disappoint you within the partnership.

3. the wrong prey scheme

It is not uncommon for people to fall (unhappily) in love with the same type of man or woman over and over again, even though relationships with similar characters have already failed. Your personal prey pattern is determined by many factors: These include, for example, genetics, childhood experiences as well as relationship traumas from previous partnerships - but also unresolved, old Beliefs.

Your prey pattern cannot be consciously controlled. It causes tunnel vision that blinds you to emotional dangers. Do you always fall unhappily in love with someone who doesn't return your affection? Then you should check to what extent the persons in question resemble each other: Can you recognize a pattern? And who is the person similar to - does he or she remind you of your parents or grandparents?

4. self-fulfilling prophecy

If you approach dating with a negative attitude, there's a good chance you'll experience disappointment. A low Self-confidence Leads you to sabotage yourself. Typical thought processes might be:

  • "Nobody wants to know about me anyway."
  • "I'm too exhausting."
  • "I'm not attractive enough."

Now, when you meet someone you like, you radiate negativity. You already assume that the other person will not return your affection because you are not worthy of it in your own eyes. With such an attitude, there is a high probability that you will be right.

5. unrequited love after a breakup

Unrequited love is especially common after a breakup. This is the case when a Relationship is ended, although one of the partners still feels love. Whether there can still be a second chance for the partnership varies from individual to individual.

Unlike unrequited love, where a relationship never happened, in this case both parties were once romantically close. The basis is therefore completely different, which does not necessarily mean that there are greater chances of success. If one partner's feelings are completely extinguished, this must be accepted.

unrequited love sayings

Letting go of unrequited love: 3 tips that will help you

As impossible as it may seem to you, you must let go of unrequited love. There is no alternative, because feelings cannot be forced. The following tips can support you in the process:

1. stay true to yourself

Those who love try everything to convince the other person of their qualities. In the process, it's not uncommon to forget yourself. To find someone with whom you have a happy relationship However, in order to lead, you must remain authentic. It is not possible to force love, no matter how hard you try and bend.

To get back to yourself, it can help to ask yourself what you really want and where your talents lie. If you learn to focus more on yourself again, sooner or later you will attract the right partner.

2. question your motivation

Sometimes unrequited love is a (subconscious) shield to keep you from having to deal with even more burdensome issues. So unrequited love serves a function, as painful as it feels. As long as your thoughts revolve around heartbreak, there is no room left for other duties and worries.

As already mentioned, a relationship phobia could also be behind this. It could also be the unconscious desire for more attention from those around you: Do you secretly enjoy how much friends and family care about you when you are heartbroken?

However, if the above is true, this is not a reason for you to feel guilty. Realizing the function of unrequited love is important in order to let it go. You need to address your core issues in order to eventually find a person who makes you happy.

3. strengthening your self-esteem

Realize that your self-worth is not dependent on the favor of other people. The fact that this one person does not return your romantic feelings does not mean that there is something wrong with you: You are lovable just the way you are!

Bring yourself the Appreciation that you want from those around you. A healthy self-esteem will help you to get rid of unrequited love more quickly. Consider for yourself which sentence you may have written on your forehead, which you currently radiate - and accordingly attract such situations into your life. In our article "The Law of Attraction" you can learn more about it!

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10 Quotes To Help You Deal With Unrequited Love

Unrequited love can plunge you into deep despair. Beautiful sayings for the soul can be healing to regain courage and feel understood. Therefore, we have compiled a selection of the most beautiful sayings for unrequited love for you:

  1. "Perhaps our eyes need to be washed of our tears now and then so that we can see life again with a clearer view."
  2. "The greatest curse in life is not losing your love, but not being loved by someone you love."
  3. "Those eyes that were my sun, it hurts to see them shine for another."
  4. "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it was yours; if not, it never was."
  5. "Isn't that how falling in love often works? A stranger appears out of nowhere and becomes a star in our universe."
  6. "It hurts when you have someone in your heart but you can't hold them in your arms."
  7. "Unrequited love is the curse of a lonely heart."
  8. "Let no one who loves be called completely miserable. Even unrequited love has its rainbow."
  9. "Loving someone who doesn't love you in return is like trying to fly with a broken wing."
  10. "I am happy for you, while I feel unhappy that I am not the author of your happiness."

Overcome unrequited love: Learn to love yourself

Unrequited love hurts intensely, but it is part of life and can be easily overcome in most cases. The stronger your self-confidence, the easier it will be for you to let go, knowing that your happiness in life does not depend on another person. However, not everyone has such a strong sense of self-confidence.

Would you like to be more confident in love and in life in general? Then we would like to recommend our free self-confidence webinar to you. In just 1.5 hours, we'll introduce you to a proven coaching method that will help you achieve greater self-esteem in the long term. You'll learn to value yourself (again) and draw on new resources to improve your self-esteem. Realize life goals.

Another important topic that we address in our Webinar and which also plays an essential role in the case of unrequited love, are negative beliefs. Your subconscious mind controls how and with whom you fall in love. By changing your negative beliefs, you can overcome unrequited love faster and even learn from it.

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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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