Sexual aversion in women: Come back to your femininity

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Sexual aversion in women: Come back to your femininity

It's perfectly normal to feel less like having sex every now and then. It's like eating: at some point you're full and need a break or a change of taste to regain your appetite. However, if your sexual desire has decreased so much that it puts a strain on your partnership, then you should do something about it.

Sexual unwillingness in women: what's behind it?

Sexual aversion in women is manifested by a reduced desire for sex. Affected women hardly take the initiative during sexual intercourse and feel only weakly or not at all attracted to their partner. Characteristic are a lack of sexual fantasies and feelings.

The expression of sexual aversion varies from woman to woman. There are women who feel sexual satisfaction in spite of everything, but also those who feel a strong aversion to sexual acts of any kind. By the way, men are affected by the problem to the same extent.

When is sexual dysfunction a problem?

As already mentioned, a temporary sexual aversion in women is completely normal. If this condition lasts for half a year or longer, then in the medical sense there is a sexual desire disorder. In addition, the woman's sexual listlessness puts a strain on the Relationship. In many cases, the partner suffers from insufficient sexual satisfaction. This harbors a high potential for conflict.

Difference between sexual aversion and other sexual disorders

Sexual aversion in women manifests itself in a lack of physical desire. This may be due to a sexual disorder, although this does not necessarily have to be the case. Sexual disorders in women include, for example, painful mucosal growths, vaginal cramps and general pain during sexual intercourse. These are ultimately responsible for the fact that the woman no longer feels pleasure.

sexual desire

The causes of sexual unwillingness in women

Sexual aversion in women is a widespread phenomenon. Around 30 to 40 percent of all women are affected at some point in their lives. Often, a woman's sexual aversion is part of a phase in her life, such as menopause. Sometimes several causes come together.

The causes of women's sexual unwillingness are many. The following factors affect sexual desire:

Physical factors

In some cases, the woman's sexual aversion is physical. Sometimes there are gynecological problems, for example endometriosis with tissue growths. Pain during sex dulls the sensation of pleasure and can often be traced back to a too dry vagina, but also to vaginal cramps in vaginismus. Chronic bladder infections and fungal infections also rob the desire for sex.

In addition, various diseases negatively affect libido. These include, for example, cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, thyroid dysfunction, liver cirrhosis, neurological defects and kidney weakness.

Hormonal causes

In some cases, hormonal imbalance creates sexual unwillingness in women. Such complaints are typical during menopause. The unpleasant side effects include a too dry vagina and consequently pain during sex. An effective remedy for this is lubricant gel. The gynecologist can help alleviate the problem.

Loss of libido due to medication

In addition, various medications, for example the pill, interfere with hormone balance. The hormonal changes cause reduced sexual desire in some women. Some antidepressants also promote a lack of sexual desire. Drugs for high blood lipid levels and high blood pressure, medications to strengthen the heart and for dehydration can also affect the libido, as can hair growth products.

Psychological factors

Stress is a desire killer! Sexual desire is based on psychosomatic processes. However, many women suffer from strong stress in the family and at work. After childbirth or problems in the partnership, a woman often experiences a lack of sexual desire. Financial difficulties, existential fears and serious illnesses in the family environment also cause stress.

In addition, a woman's sexual unwillingness can often be traced back to depression. Psychological trauma, anxiety as well as personality and obsessive-compulsive disorders affect sexual desire. Alcohol and drug abuse also often lead to a loss of libido.

In addition, positive stress also creates a sexual unwillingness in the woman. Too many exciting hobbies and a full schedule leave hardly any time for sexual feelings. You're all churned up inside and rush from one experience to the next. Love falls by the wayside. In this context, we speak of so-called leisure time stress.

Environment and social factors

As mentioned earlier, a stressful environment negatively affects libido. In addition, women who have never learned to appreciate their bodies can be accept, or who grew up in an environment with sexual taboos, later suffer from reduced desire. In women who feel disrespected by their husbands or too little affection, Appreciation and love, the desire also goes out.

Effects of sexual aversion in women on personal life and relationships

Sexual unwillingness in women often ends in a vicious circle. The woman wants to fulfill her partner's expectations and allows herself to be put under pressure. The pressure makes the situation worse and creates blockages that weaken the libido. As a result, sexual self-esteem suffers.

At the same time, it hurts the partner when the partner rejects him. He feels unloved and frustrated. In general, the woman's sexual unwillingness promotes the development of relationship problems and endangers the emotional well-being of both partners. Therefore, it is important to restore sexual health.

Methods to overcome sexual unwillingness

The methods of restoring female sexuality differ depending on the cause. If the problem is based on psychological stress, then effective stress management can bring desire back to life. Take time for your sexual Needs and don't let yourself be pressured or distracted. Make your Head free and do not constantly think about everyday and professional things.

There are also various methods that will give you the relaxation you need. These include for example the Autogenic training, Pilates, yoga or Nordic walking in the fresh air. The movement relieves pressure and promotes the Serenity. A positive outlook on life will also help you. 

Our Coaching helps you to remove blockages and strengthen your self-confidence. In the coaching, the coach will look together with you and find out where the deep cause for your sexual unwillingness lies. Is it, for example, because as a woman you don't feel comfortable in your body (anymore)? Have you ever been allowed to feel your Allow femininity and live? How was this modeled for you as a child? What image did your parents give you along the way? Do you find it difficult to let go, trust and surrender to the moment? Or do you have the feeling that you also have to perform during sex?

As you can see, there can be countless reasons why you feel a sexual aversion. Maybe you're ready to book a coaching session for yourself to get to the bottom of the cause and at the same time give yourself a nice gift. Because that will certainly give you a whole new body feeling when you can fully live your femininity again.

More pleasure through masturbation

If you satisfy yourself, then you sensitize certain parts of your body and get aroused more easily. You get to know your body and your erogenous zones better, and all this happens without the need for Print from the outside. Give yourself over to exciting thoughts and show your experimental side here as well. Erotic films also offer welcome suggestions.

Medical interventions and treatments

There are some drugs that, according to the manufacturer, eliminate sexual aversion in women, for example, by stimulating blood flow. Often these drugs, which are mostly available over the counter, have unpleasant side effects. In addition, aphrodisiac aromatic oils with ylang-ylang, patchouli, jasmine, sandalwood, musk or vanilla can stimulate the senses. In case of definite or stronger physical complaints, the gynecologist is the best person to contact.

Psychological counseling and therapy

If the sex life can no longer be saved with the measures already mentioned, then it is time for expert support. In some cases play Commitment fears and bad experiences play a role. Psychologists and sex therapists help when a psychological problem causes sexual unwillingness in a woman. Often a Couples therapy takes place. By releasing blockages, the restoration of libido takes place.

Changes in lifestyle and habits

Often the desire comes back through more variety. In many relationships, what once began so tinglingly is lost over time in the Routine. To counteract boredom, you can try something new. Be creative and bring fresh momentum into bed with new positions, role plays and toys. And above all: don't put yourself under time pressure. There is nothing more important than sex at the moment.

Communication and openness in relationships

Openness is the most important thing in a relationship when a woman is sexually reluctant. Only then can the partner understand the reasons and respond sensitively. A woman's sexual aversion affects not only her, but both of them. It is important to look for solutions and eliminate the problem together. Disclosures of this kind are an important proof of trust and the basis for a well-functioning partnership.

Sexual unwillingness in women: Are the causes in childhood?

Sometimes education is to blame for sexual aversion in women. The teaching of a false image creates blockages in the mind that continue to influence sexuality for decades. Affected women cannot really let themselves go and are too inhibited. This acts as a brake on desire.

The reasons why many women do not have a positive body image of themselves often also lie in childhood. If a woman feels unattractive or wants to meet a certain expectation, this leads to self-doubt and consequently to an inner tightening.

In addition, mothers are often a cautionary tale. Many women dislike what their mothers exemplify to them. They have a completely different image of beauty and of what life is all about. In short, they can't identify with the image of women they've been taught and are conflicted.

Other women suffer from sexual aversion because they were never allowed to be a woman. Instead of developing into a mature lady, they should always remain the little dear girl. Do you recognize yourself? If so, you should contact a good psychotherapist. He can help you, internal blockades to release and develop your feminine desire.


Sexual aversion in women can rarely be traced back to physical complaints. Most of the time, the reasons lie in the psychological sphere. In most cases, open communication with the partner and the ability to let go will bring back the desire. For deeper-rooted problems, psychotherapy can help, which can also take place together with the partner. In addition, our free masterclass "More self-confidence through coaching" can help you to improve your life. finally live self-determined and courageously! Find out for yourself why your self-confidence influences so many areas of your life and which Beliefs shrink your self-confidence and keep it small.


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Reviewed by Dr. med. Stefan Frädrich

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