Unfulfilled love: how to learn to deal with the painful feeling

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Unfulfilled love: how to learn to deal with the painful feeling

Unfulfilled love is one of the most painful experiences of all. Nevertheless, most people have feelings for someone at least once in their life who can't return them (anymore). In the following article, we'll tell you how you can recognize unrequited love in time and how you can break away from it.

What is unrequited love?

Unfulfilled love refers to an obsessive (love) longing for a person who does not return your romantic interest (anymore) or at least not to the same extent. Regardless of your specific situation, unrequited love is very painful.

Since the hopelessness is not always obvious or simply not accepted, those affected always vacillate between Hope and despair. In the long run, this state is mentally grueling.

letting go of unrequited love

The different forms of unrequited love at a glance

Unfulfilled love can exist in different facets. Below we would like to introduce you to the five most common manifestations.

1. in love with an unattainable person

In this case, the object of desire is far beyond your reach. If it is a harmless idolization from a distance, this is not a big deal: After all, who didn't have a crush on a band or an actor when they were young? Sometimes, however, idolizing grows into a torturous or even morbid obsession. Keyword: Stalking.

The reason why this love will remain unfulfilled is obvious: the idolized person usually doesn't even know that you exist. Even if it should come to a personal encounter, the chances of an Relationship low.

Interesting to know: Oxford University has done a lot of research on the topic of when a Love of addiction will.

2. one hides his feelings

In this form of unrequited love, you are in love with a person in your immediate environment without showing him or her your feelings to confess. If you do have contact, it often remains superficial. Sometimes, however, a friendship develops. But the other party has no idea about your feelings.

This constellation occurs mainly when you think that rejection is likely. This could be the case, for example, if there is a large age difference or if it is a person of the same sex.

3. the object of desire does not perceive your advances

In this case, you are making concrete advances, but the other person does not perceive them as such. Presumably, he or she sees only a friend in you and simply cannot imagine that you are actually flirting. This can be deeply frustrating.

4. longing for the expartner

With a past Closing a relationship hurts. Who the Separation often torments himself for a long time with an unfulfilled love. Characteristic of this is that you constantly wallow in the past.

5. differences within a relationship

Differences are perfectly normal within a partnership. However, if your values and ideas for the future diverge widely, both parties will be left unfulfilled.

letting go of unrequited love

Reasons for unrequited love

We have already mentioned some reasons for unrequited love. But now we would like to go a little deeper. Especially if you experience unfulfilled love more often, it makes sense that you deal with your inner blockages and Beliefs with each other. You may be following an unconscious pattern that keeps driving you to people who can never reciprocate your feelings.

1. you suffer from commitment anxiety

Admittedly, this sounds paradoxical at first. After all, everyone wants a happy and fulfilling partnership. People who suffer from Commitment Anxiety suffer, but time and again develop an intense affection for people who could never reciprocate their love interest or are unattainable. These are, for example, married people, superiors or even celebrities.

The reason: Those who take refuge in unrealistic reveries do not have to deal with the challenges of a real partnership. This is a protective function of the psyche that usually runs unconsciously.

2. you feel emotionally lonely

Having a lot of people around by no means means that you can't still lonely can feel. Even within a partnership it can happen that you feel abandoned.

This emotional Loneliness can encourage holding on to an unrequited love. Instead of opening yourself to a new partnership, you remain in a situation that keeps you unhappy makes. Behind this is the Fearto stay alone forever.

3. you sabotage yourself

Throwing yourself into unrequited love can be a form of self-sabotage. You invest Time and energy, although you know very well that your efforts will be in vain. Yet you do not change your behavior. Self-sabotage usually arises because of a low level of Self-esteem. By failing again and again, your self-doubt is confirmed: a vicious circle is created.

Childhood beliefs can also cause you to sabotage yourself. For example, if you experienced an emotional imbalance between your parents, as an adult you are very likely to enter into a relationship with a partner who does not reciprocate your feelings.

Differences between unrequited and unrequited love

In common parlance, unrequited love and unfulfilled love usually mean the same thing: love is not returned by one party to the extent that it is given. However, one can also speak of unrequited love when a relationship is established, but it does not fulfill you internally, e.g. because your vision of the future does not conform.

The right way to deal with unrequited love

To anticipate one thing: An unrequited love must be let go. In this regard, there is no alternative. You must completely detach yourself from the thought that there could be a happy ending to your crush. Admitting this realization is undoubtedly painful. However, there are behaviors that can make it easier for you to say goodbye.

Tips and tricks for dealing with unrequited love

"But if he does change his mind ..." Stop! An unrequited love will always remain exactly one thing: unrequited. The following tips and tricks should help you to make this easier and faster. accept.

1. strengthen self-reflection and self-confidence

As explained earlier, unrequited love is often the result of attachment anxiety combined with a tarnished Self-confidence. Instead of getting caught up in a delusional hope, you should rather Self-reflection operate:

  • Are you trying to escape from something by getting into a hopeless crush?
  • What are you missing in your life and what do you hope to get from this person?
  • Are you repeating your parents' relationship patterns?

To clarify these issues, professional coaching or even therapy can sometimes be useful. Strengthening your self-confidence also plays a central role. You must realize that another person can never make you happy. You alone are responsible for your happiness. Only when you understand this is a fulfilling and equal partnership possible.

2. explore new experiences and opportunities

To let go of unrequited love, distraction is important. The danger with unrequited love is that you isolate yourself completely from your surroundings and end up feeling even lonelier than before. To counteract this, you should consciously arrange to meet friends and do something nice.

And if you don't feel like venturing out and socializing because you're under great Heartbreak suffer? The answer is: Do it anyway. This is the only way you'll have the opportunity to gain new experiences and explore opportunities. You may even meet someone with whom you have a chance for a fulfilling relationship.

Important to know: When you meet with friends, do not use these meetings to abuse them as "soul trash cans". Of course, friends are there to listen to you and support you emotionally. But especially in the case of obsessive, unrequited love, those affected tend to talk only about their heartbreak and hope for advice on how things can still work out.

3. be open for a new love

Once you have managed to detach yourself from an unrequited love, you can be open to a new relationship. For this, it is necessary to realize that your infatuation is futile. But still be patiently with you. Dealing with unrequited love hurts and takes time.

Even if you still sometimes think about unrequited love, it can help to meet other potential partners. Get out of your fantasy world and into real life. After a while, you will realize what great opportunities you have.

Conclusion: Unfulfilled love as a chance for self-reflection

As painful as unrequited love may be, you can still grow from this experience. Use the pain for self-reflection: Why do you keep falling in love with people who are not good for you or with whom there is no real chance of a relationship? Which childhood beliefs are hidden behind this and how can you dissolve them?

Sometimes impulses from outside are necessaryto identify the blockages. Various coaching or therapy formats are suitable for this. As long as you are open to new insights about yourself, you can break through your harmful behavioral pattern and in the future enter into relationships based on equality and Appreciation based.


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